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These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Nowadays, cell phones and online chatting are crucial for many people to interact with each other. In my opinion, although there are some drawbacks, benefits such as communicating faster and reaching larger areas are more important. To begin with, using mobile phones and the internet to talk with people is quicker. Many people have the opportunity to talk to others at any time without making arrangements in advance, therefore, saving more time for themselves. For example, in the past, people travelled for long hours to meet with their families to tell about news, however, now, they can call them immediately after receiving the information. What is more, these technological innovations help people to reach and meet with people from different countries easily. The internet was a global breakthrough and millions of people all around the world are using it every day, thus with the chance of online-chatting websites, they can meet interesting people from different cultures and backgrounds, and widen their knowledge. If there was not an invention of the internet, it could be challenging for many people to experience the cultural features of other nations. On the other hand, the use of mobile phones and the internet can result in two major problems. Firstly, they can be very addictive to some people, and cause them to spend most of their time texting, rather than going out and meeting with their friends in person. This can bring up several conflicts between friends and particularly, in romantic relationships by avoiding to spend time with them face to face. Secondly, it can be dangerous to meet with people online. Some people use fake identities and try to abuse or hurt innocent people, who are often the young, by asking personal information and photos, which they can use them later as blackmail. For instance, my friend met someone in one of the dating apps and had talked with him for two months until when she noticed that he was married and had kids. To conclude, from my point of view, despite using cell phones and the internet in order to socialise with people can result in confrontation between people, and danger, it is rare and the advantages are outweighing them.
Nowadays, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and online chatting are crucial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. In my opinion, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, benefits such as communicating faster and reaching larger areas are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet to talk with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
quicker.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the opportunity to talk to others at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without making arrangements in advance,
therefore
, saving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves.
For example
, in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travelled for long hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with their families to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about news,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, they can call them immediately after receiving the information.
What is more
, these technological innovations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
easily
. The internet was a global breakthrough and millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world are using it every day,
thus
with the chance of online-chatting websites, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and backgrounds, and widen their knowledge. If there was not an invention of the internet, it could be challenging for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to experience the cultural features of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet can result in two major problems.
Firstly
, they can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addictive to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and cause them to spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
texting,
rather
than going out and meeting with their friends in person. This can bring up several conflicts between friends and
particularly
, in romantic relationships by
The verb 'avoiding' is used with the gerund form: "avoiding spending".
avoiding to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them face to face.
Secondly
, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
online.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
fake identities and try to abuse or hurt innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the young, by asking personal information and photos, which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them later
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
blackmail.
For instance
, my friend met someone in one of the dating apps and had talked with him for two months until when she noticed that he
was married
and had kids.

To conclude
, from my point of view, despite using cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet in order to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can result in confrontation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, it is rare and the advantages are outweighing them.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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