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The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 1
A large amount of budget is allocated by the government for the entertainment industry namely arts, music and theatre. Some people opine that government should utilize these funds in public services instead. This essay will outline why it is necessary to invest more funds in public services while at the same time a small amount of investment is needed to enhance the entertainment sector of a country. To begin with, in many parts of the world people still live in poverty, with no proper access to healthcare or educational facilities. People have poor living standards with scarcity of food and clean water. Children growing up under such conditions often suffer from various ailments and rate of illiteracy is often high. Therefore, government of such nations must adequately finance public services, like medical and educational infrastructure first, as these are the primary needs of a population, rather than spending funds on arts and music which are secondary. On the other hand, a certain amount of financing should be allotted for the entertainment sector, as these areas will attract tourism and hence contribute to the economy of a country. Moreover, improvement of music and film industry will attract international media. For instance, a country like South Korea earns large sums of money from their well-established pop culture. Furthermore, through arts, museums and theater future generations will gain insight into the cultural heritage of their nation. It cannot be disputed that art and music helps in the overall sociologic development of a person. To conclude, it is essentially justified that government should utilize a significant fraction of their budget expenditure for improving public services. However, a small portion of financing should be considered to enhance the entertainment industry, as arts and music plays an integral role in building up a community.
A large amount of budget
is allocated
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
for the entertainment industry
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should utilize these funds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
instead
. This essay will outline why it is necessary to invest more funds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
while at the same time a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of investment
is needed
to enhance the entertainment sector of a country.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty, with no proper access to healthcare or educational facilities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have poor living standards with scarcity of food and clean water. Children growing up under such conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from various ailments and rate of illiteracy is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
high.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of such nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
adequately
finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, like medical and educational infrastructure
first
, as these are the primary needs of a population,
rather
than spending funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which are secondary.

On the other hand
, a certain amount of financing should
be allotted
for the entertainment sector, as these areas will attract tourism and
hence
contribute to the economy of a country.
Moreover
, improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and film industry will attract international media.
For instance
, a country like South Korea earns large sums of money from their well-established pop culture.
Furthermore
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, museums and theater future generations will gain insight into the cultural heritage of their nation. It cannot
be disputed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the
overall
Possible spelling mistake found.
sociologic
development of a person.

To conclude
, it is
essentially
justified that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should utilize a significant fraction of their budget expenditure for improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
However
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
portion of financing should
be considered
to enhance the entertainment industry, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an integral role in building up a community.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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