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These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.10

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 10
In this expeditiously transforming world, the use of fossil fuels has attracted a lot of voices. Today, people are encouraged to use the renewable sources of energy like wind, water and so on and I contemplate this change to be a positive one. To embark on the side, which supports the use of alternative sources, I believe that the excessive consumption of non-renewable sources like coal, petrol and others has led to its depletion and as a result, these resources cost an arm and a leg. Moreover, pollution is a prevalent problem harming the ecological balance and the healthy lifestyle. For instance, Delhi, the capital city if India, experiences egregious air quality, making the citizen stifle. Accentuating the compelling outlook, which reckons the use of alternate energy sources as a pessimistic mentality shift, some savants propound that in the contemporary era, we are not developed enough to incorporate this change. Still a lot of technical advancements are required for this idea working in the top-notch state. To illustrate this further, various small and remote villages in Inia live without electricity and are highly dependent on energy sources like coal for their daily need, hence it will be a tremendously laborious task to implement such a transformation. Apart from this, the set-up cost for a working model is extremely exorbitant, which acts as a pertinent problem. To summarize, I would say that moving towards the renewable sources of energy is the need of the hour. It might take us some time to reach the level of such an elevated technical advancement, but considering the ceaseless dip in the environmental conditions, it is salient that such steps are taken immediately.
In this
expeditiously
transforming world, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fossil fuels has attracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
voices.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
like wind, water and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on and I contemplate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
one.

To embark on the side, which supports the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
, I believe that the excessive consumption of non-renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
like coal, petrol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
has led to its depletion and
as a result
, these resources cost an arm and a leg.
Moreover
, pollution is a prevalent problem harming the ecological balance and the healthy lifestyle.
For instance
, Delhi, the capital city if India, experiences egregious air quality, making the citizen stifle.

Accentuating the compelling outlook, which reckons the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of alternate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
as a pessimistic mentality shift,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
savants propound that in the contemporary era, we are not developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to incorporate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
technical advancements
are required
for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
working in the top-notch state. To illustrate this
further
, various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and remote villages in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without electricity and are
highly
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
like coal for their daily need,
hence
it will be a
tremendously
laborious task to implement such a transformation. Apart from this, the set-up cost for a working model is
extremely
exorbitant, which acts as a pertinent problem.

To summarize
, I would say that moving towards the renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is the need of the hour. It might take us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to reach the level of such an elevated technical advancement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
considering the ceaseless dip in the environmental conditions, it is salient that such steps
are taken
immediately.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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