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Computers are becoming an essential part of school lessons. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Computers are becoming an essential part of school lessons. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
Countries tend to block certain discrete media to be viewed by public through media resources. This filtration of information for the general viewer ship has the advantage of blocking offensive material, but can have a negative effect by allowing authorities to hide essential facts from the public. On the one hand, the main advantage of media restriction is blockage of the aggressive and irrational materials which can be displayed on the various forms of information and social media networks. In other words, various segments of society can misinterpret violent content shown in social and electronic media. For instance, children can't comprehend the use of guns and marked violence being telecasted on television and censoring such a material can avoid any negative effect on immature minds of children. Moreover, social media is accessible to a much larger population these days and requires careful monitoring and filtration of displaying content. On the other hand, depriving people from necessary information is the chief disadvantage of censorship by the authorities. This can allow governments to hide important public related issues from the general population. People won't be able to assess the true performance of the government if the issues are stopped from being telecasted. Thus, censorship is a violation of the basic right of the population to get a true picture of government performance and allow authorities to put important issues under the carpet In conclusion, blocking certain discrete content can protect target viewers from its damaging effect, however, censorship can deprive people of a basic right of getting the true picture.
Countries tend to block certain discrete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to
be viewed
by public through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
resources. This filtration of information for the general viewer ship has the advantage of blocking offensive material,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect by allowing authorities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
essential facts from the public.

On the one hand, the main advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
restriction is blockage of the aggressive and irrational materials which can
be displayed
on the various forms of information and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
networks.
In other words
, various segments of society can misinterpret violent content shown in social and electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
For instance
, children can't comprehend the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of guns and marked violence being
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on television and censoring such a material can avoid any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on immature minds of children.
Moreover
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is accessible to a much larger population these days and requires careful monitoring and filtration of displaying content.

On the other hand
, depriving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from necessary information is the chief disadvantage of censorship by the authorities. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
public related issues from the general population.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
won't be able to assess the true performance of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
if the issues are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
from being
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
.
Thus
, censorship is a violation of the basic right of the population to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a true picture of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
performance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
authorities to put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues under the carpet

In conclusion
, blocking certain discrete content can protect target viewers from its damaging effect,
however
, censorship can deprive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of a basic right of getting the true picture.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Computers are becoming an essential part of school lessons. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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