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Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purposes What are the advantages and disadvantages of this v.1

Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purposes What are the advantages and disadvantages of this v. 1
People have been trying to study and explore space for centuries either from earth or by launching satellites. While some believe that space exploration today is an unnecessary use of resources others believe in its contrast. In the following paragraphs, we will discuss both the views and conclude with a comparatively stronger argument. To begin with, studying the universe helps us understand our own planet better. For example, We did not know that Earth revolved around the Sun until an astronomer noticed other planetary movements using telescope ages ago. Today we send satellites in space to find new elements or study weather patterns. We have been able to predict the effects of global warming by studying other planets where carbon dioxide levels are high. Hence, space exploration helps us identify our own planet rather than the outside space. On the other hand, space explorations needs millions of dollars to be invested in, which could be used in other sectors. For example, India being a developing country invests a lot of money on space research which could be used in other sectors. Most of the population in India is still under poverty and a citizen paying taxes would rather want betterment of the poor or at least better infrastructure for self. Therefore, space operations require a lot of funds which can be utilised for the betterment of people. In conclusion, although space exploration has been imperative in discovering our own planet, but it requires a lot of monetary support which can be invested for humanitarian purposes. I personally opine that space exploration must be continued as it broadens understanding of our planet.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have been trying to study and explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for centuries either from earth or by launching satellites.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is an unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of resources others believe in its contrast. In the following paragraphs, we will discuss both the views and conclude with a
comparatively
stronger argument.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, studying the universe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us understand our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
better.
For example
, We did not know that Earth revolved around the Sun until an astronomer noticed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
planetary movements using telescope ages ago.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
satellites in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
to find new elements or study weather patterns. We have been able to predict the effects of global warming by studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
where carbon dioxide levels are high.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us identify our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
rather
than the outside space.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
explorations
needs millions of dollars to
be invested
in, which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sectors.
For example
, India being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
invests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sectors. Most of the population in India is
still
under poverty and a citizen paying taxes would
rather
want betterment of the poor or at least better infrastructure for self.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
operations require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
funds which can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
for the betterment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
has been imperative in discovering our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
monetary support which can
be invested
for humanitarian purposes. I
personally
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be continued
as it broadens understanding of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purposes What are the advantages and disadvantages of this v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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