Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.6

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6
The invention of communication mediums, such as cell phones and the internet, has been profound achievements in today's world. This essay will outline the perspective, merits the big one is narrowed down the distances, and another one is entertainment through video games, which is stronger than its demerits. To begin with a positive perspective, friends and relatives, living a million miles far are one call away. Mobile phones are the fastest and reliable source to contact loved ones through audio or video calls. Moreover, the phone is a blessing to quickly access, help services such as police, ambulance and firefighters in case of emergencies. Another exclusive feature is its camera, to capture valuable moments of life, anytime and anywhere. A recent survey conducted by the University of Virginia reported, 78% of the people in the world prefer the mobile phone to stay connected and to socialize with their nears and dears. Apart from this, the internet made the world a smaller place, from where people can play online video games individually or can make teams where members could belong to different countries while sitting in their comfort zones. Furthermore, another benefit is, any childhood lost friend can be found and stay connected using applications, Facebook, Instagram and many more. In January 2020, around 2. 6 billion users in the whole world are connected through only Facebook. Moving further, the merits mentioned above should not blind us towards the danger the internet possesses as it is the double-edged weapon. There is always a risk of a hacker to intrude on someone's privacy and identity theft. In addition to this, overuse of phones and the internet can cause health risks, for example, poor eyesight, depression and anxiety. In conclusion, undoubtedly, the advantages of the newer ways of correspondence remove the distances among many people. However, everyone should be vigilant towards its disadvantages.
The invention of communication mediums, such as cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet, has been profound achievements in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This essay will outline the perspective, merits the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
one
is narrowed
down the distances, and another one is entertainment through video games, which is stronger than its demerits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
perspective, friends and relatives, living a million miles far are one call away. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are the fastest and reliable source to contact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones through audio or video calls.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is a blessing to
quickly
access,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
services such as police, ambulance and firefighters in case of emergencies. Another exclusive feature is its camera, to capture valuable moments of life, anytime and anywhere. A recent survey conducted by the University of Virginia reported, 78% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
prefer the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to stay connected and to socialize with their nears and dears.

Apart from this, the internet made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
a smaller place, from where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can play online video games
individually
or can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
teams where members could belong to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries while sitting in their comfort zones.
Furthermore
, another benefit is, any childhood lost friend can
be found
and stay connected using applications, Facebook, Instagram and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. In January 2020, around 2. 6 billion users in the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are connected
through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Facebook.

Moving
further
, the merits mentioned above should not blind us towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
the internet possesses as it is the double-edged weapon. There is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of a hacker to intrude on someone's privacy and identity theft.
In addition
to this, overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet can cause health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
,
for example
, poor eyesight, depression and anxiety.

In conclusion
,
undoubtedly
, the advantages of the newer ways of correspondence remove the distances among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, everyone should be vigilant towards its disadvantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts