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these days, mobile phones and Internet's are important to the ways in which people relate with one another socially. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v.1

these days, mobile phones and Internet's are important to the ways in which people relate with one another socially. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 1
Most people assume that newborns are generally equipped with talents whilst, others believe that with constant training a person can evolve as an expert in the fields of sports or music. This essay will discuss both the view points and then give the opinion. To begin with, the world has witnessed the child prodigies performing things at a perfect level as a natural behaviour. These evidences makes scientist accept the fact that few gifted children have inherent elements that enables them to outperform at an early age. For example, Mozart was a famous pianist, his ability to play the rhythms at one hearing proves the fact that he was exceptional and different from a normal human who cannot be able to do the same. Although the first statement is true, yet it is possible that constant practise will turn a person into a skilled human. The scientist has proved that ten thousand hours of rigorous training in any particular thing, will make anyone as a world class expert in it. For example, Famous singer Anna Helden, was rejected by a number of production studios, but her dedicated efforts have made her outstanding singer. Hence, it clearly shows that anyone can possess the skills with constant practise. In conclusion, Though it is right that innate talent exists, it is pivotal that the talents are to be nurtured irrespective of the fact that, whether one is skilled or not. Therefore, with strong determination and training a person can possibly dominate the field in whichever he wants to.
Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that newborns are
generally
equipped with talents whilst, others believe that with constant training a person can evolve as an expert in the fields of sports or music. This essay will discuss both the view points and then give the opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the world has witnessed the child prodigies performing things at a perfect level as a natural
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. These evidences
You should probably use "make".
makes
scientist accept the fact that few gifted children have inherent elements that enables them to outperform at an early age.
For example
, Mozart was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
pianist, his ability to play the rhythms at one hearing proves the fact that he was exceptional and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from a normal human who cannot be able to do the same.

Although the
first
statement is true,
yet
it is possible that constant
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
will turn a person into a skilled human. The scientist has proved that ten thousand hours of rigorous training in any particular thing, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
anyone as a world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
expert in it.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
singer Anna
Possible spelling mistake found.
Helden
,
was rejected
by a number of production studios,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
her dedicated efforts have made her outstanding singer.
Hence
, it
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that anyone can possess the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with constant
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
.

In conclusion
, Though it is right that innate talent exists, it is pivotal that the talents are to
be nurtured
irrespective of the fact that, whether one
is skilled
or not.
Therefore
, with strong determination and training a person can
possibly
dominate the field in whichever he wants to.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay these days, mobile phones and Internet's are important to the ways in which people relate with one another socially. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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