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Social media addiction: Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have a negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Social media addiction: Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have a negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1
Usage of social media, mainly Facebook, Instagram has markedly changed with the expansion of the internet. Some people often argue that individual and community are positively influenced by these platforms. However, I completely disagree with this because of its detrimental effects on adults and society. The essay will elaborate on issues associated with the increased use of the internet and other networking platforms like data security, wastage of time, and other health issues. Data safety can impact the individual as well as society. These days, many alarming cases arise regarding data breaching by hackers who often steal personal information of the users and later sell that data to other online platforms. For instance, people sometimes share their travel stories with others on social websites and many times, the information is misused. Thus, the user’s data security is vital in the advanced technological world. Other major problems which can arise because of social networking sites are health issues and wastage of time. When people start using these social media sites, they can get addicted to this. It can also waste the time of an individual that can be utilized in other activities. Even, people never really want to have face to face communication and social interactions are lost. Moreover, the number of individuals participating in physical exercise reduces. To conclude, although other users can find the benefits of using social media platforms, but in my opinion its negative effects overshadow the positive impact it puts on the individual and the community. Users should realize its impact and should have full-fledged knowledge about using such platforms.
Usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media,
mainly
Facebook, Instagram has
markedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with the expansion of the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and community are
positively
influenced by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
.
However
, I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its detrimental effects on adults and society. The essay will elaborate on issues associated with the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
security, wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
health issues.

Data safety can impact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
as well
as society. These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alarming cases arise regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
breaching by hackers who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
steal personal information of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
and later sell that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
share their travel stories with others on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, the information
is misused
.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
security is vital in the advanced technological world.

Other major problems which can arise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites are health issues and wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media sites, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to this. It can
also
waste the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
that can
be utilized
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities. Even,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never
really
want to have face to face communication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactions
are lost
.
Moreover
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
participating in physical exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
can find the benefits of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects overshadow the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact it puts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and the community.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Users
should realize its impact and should have full-fledged knowledge about using such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Social media addiction: Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have a negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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