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Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people with potentially serious effects on their health. Explain some reasons for this problem and suggest some possible solution. v.1

Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people with potentially serious effects on their health. Explain some reasons for this problem and suggest some possible solution. v. 1
Meteorologic condition is a significant factor for the country and its living creature. It is a contradictory argument whether people love to reside in scorching condition or in severe cold temperature. Although both types of weather have own characteristics, from my point of view, I prefer to live in a snowy area for some certain reasons. First and foremost, the climate of winter makes the country calm and quiet. Hence, people of that country are a bit sluggish at work. For that reason, they do not open the shop quite often and this, eventually, succours to reduce spending money. For example, people who live in Singapore, hot in temperature, tend to do a lot of shopping which not only increases economic growth, but it also helps to develop the country financially while people in Russia, do not like to consume excessively, because shops are not frequently opened. Furthermore, since markets are opened for a limited time, the whole country looks peaceful and free from the hustle and bustle. Therefore, the bitter climate of western countries seems very detached as it is not noisy, which is preferable to me. In contrast, tropical countries are, invariably, different from foggy regions. The reason is that, people are agile, acute, industrious. For instance, Asian people are more energetic and can do labour intensive work. As a result, the economic condition of Asian countries has been skyrocketed these days. In addition, older people discover that living in humid and sultry condition succours to reduce age-related diseases. Therefore, residing in the torrid areas has its own benefits. In conclusion, although there are myriads of advantages dwelling in hot temperature, cooled countries have also some privileges which are very lucrative for me, so I prefer to live in cold countries.
Meteorologic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
is a significant factor for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and its living creature. It is a contradictory argument whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to reside in scorching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
or in severe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
temperature. Although both types of weather have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
characteristics, from my point of view, I prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a snowy area for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain reasons.

First
and foremost, the climate of winter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
calm and quiet.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are a bit sluggish at work. For that reason, they do not open the shop quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and this,
eventually
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
succours
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
spending money.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Singapore, hot in temperature, tend to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
shopping which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increases economic growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
financially
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Russia, do not like to consume
excessively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
shops are not
frequently
opened.
Furthermore
, since markets
are opened
for a limited time, the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
looks peaceful and free from the hustle and bustle.
Therefore
, the bitter climate of western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
detached as it is not noisy, which is preferable to me.

In contrast
, tropical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are,
invariably
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from foggy regions. The reason is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are agile, acute, industrious.
For instance
, Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more energetic and can do
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
labour intensive
work.
As a result
, the economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
of Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
been skyrocketed
these days.
In addition
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discover that living in humid and sultry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
Possible spelling mistake found.
succours
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
age-related diseases.
Therefore
, residing in the torrid areas has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.

In conclusion
, although there are myriads of advantages dwelling in hot temperature, cooled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
privileges which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucrative for me,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people with potentially serious effects on their health. Explain some reasons for this problem and suggest some possible solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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