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Many elderly people are not looked after by their families but are put in a care or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this tread v.1

Many elderly people are not looked after by their families but are put in a care or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this tread v. 1
Some people believe that children should seek parent’s advice before making any decision while others say that they should follow their own instincts. In my opinion, I think it is always advantageous to get parent’s guidance before making any crucial decision. This essay will discuss how this can be beneficial for kids and why others may not think it is worth to get the same. To start with, Parents have much more exposure to the life and experience of different phases of life so they can provide a constructive suggestion to their children for their betterment. Children can learn from their experiences. For instance, an entrepreneur can guide one’s child about the fundamental rules and other nuances of that business. Secondly, if parents are asked for consultation by their children, they will feel needed and it eventually will make them happy. This in turn leads to strong familial bonds. Nevertheless, there are compelling reasons against seeking guidance or advice from parents due to the generation gap. Not only the challenges in this day and age is different from the older generation of parents, but also the competition and expectations from life are different. To state an example, in olden times when internet and social media was not there people didn’t understand its educational value much. They may consider its use as a waste of time and ask their kids to not use it excessively, while children might learn many useful things from internet to enhance their learning. In conclusion, I second my outlook of considering parent’s advice beneficial as parents are one who always want to see their children happy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
advice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making any decision while others say that they should follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
instincts. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is always advantageous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
guidance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making any crucial decision. This essay will discuss how this can be beneficial for kids and why others may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is worth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
have much more exposure to the life and experience of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
phases of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can provide a constructive suggestion to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their betterment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can learn from their experiences.
For instance
, an entrepreneur can guide one’s child about the fundamental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and other nuances of that business.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
consultation by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they will feel needed and it
eventually
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy. This in turn leads to strong familial bonds.

Nevertheless
, there are compelling reasons against seeking guidance or advice from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
due to the generation gap. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the challenges in this day and age is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the older generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the competition and expectations from life are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. To state an example, in olden times when internet and social media was not there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
didn’t understand its educational value much. They may consider its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as a waste of time and ask their kids to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
excessively
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful things from internet to enhance their learning.

In conclusion
, I second my outlook of considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
advice beneficial as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are one who always want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
happy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many elderly people are not looked after by their families but are put in a care or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this tread v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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