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These days, many school-aged children own a smart phone. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at 250 words. v.1

These days, many school-aged children own a smart phone. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Write at 250 words. v. 1
Compare to the past, obesity in people is increased now. To overcome this issue some suggest exercise and different kinds of foods are the best options. While others are inclined towards changing food habits and living ways. Both the former and later views have their impacts which are discussed hereunder at length. Society today, providing various ways to combat a problem like heavy weights. One of the ways is taking the help of a gym or exercise regime. According to the survey, 50% of overweight people opt for gyming and also gain success in getting in shape. By this, they reduce excessive fat layers and become healthy. Another way is to follow a proper diet. In which one can take advice from a dietician and get rid of food which has high calories. Many women, for instance, go for the GM diet plan to reduce fat without spending much time. In a busy life, food control and little exercise are the best ways. A significant proportion of people, however, do not concur with the above opinion. They argue that poor food habits are the main culprit and should be given importance first. It cannot be denied that most of the people rely on junk foods like burgers and pizzas for their meals. Ultimately, this leads to unnecessary weight gain. Moreover, improvement in lifestyle is also needed. Today all humans are a victim of stressful and haphazard lives. In which they don't get time to eat or sleep on time or in a proper way. These are the root causes of such a problem, so attention should be paid to eradicate obesity. To summarize, I believe not single way can solve this issue. Therefore, society needs to address both ways, diet and exercise, and poor food and lifestyle, equally. It can be predicted that if one acquires a habit of exercise and proper food planning along with an improved lifestyle, healthy bodies will be seen soon in the nation.
Compare to the past, obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. To overcome this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are the best options. While others
are inclined
towards changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits and living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. Both the former and later views have their impacts which
are discussed
hereunder at length.

Society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, providing various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to combat a problem like heavy weights. One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
is taking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a gym or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regime. According to the survey, 50% of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt for
Possible spelling mistake found.
gyming
and
also
gain success in getting in shape. By this, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
layers and become healthy. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
is to follow a proper diet. In which one can take advice from a
Possible spelling mistake found.
dietician
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which has high calories.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
women,
for instance
, go for the GM diet plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
without spending much time. In a busy life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
control and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
are the best ways.

A significant proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, do not concur with the above opinion. They argue that poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits are the main culprit and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
importance
first
. It cannot
be denied
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
like burgers and pizzas for their meals.
Ultimately
, this leads to unnecessary weight gain.
Moreover
, improvement in lifestyle is
also
needed.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
all humans are a victim of stressful and haphazard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In which they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to eat or sleep on time or in a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
. These are the root causes of such a problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
attention should
be paid
to eradicate obesity.

To summarize
, I believe not single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
can solve this issue.
Therefore
, society needs to address both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
, diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and lifestyle,
equally
. It can
be predicted
that if one acquires a habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
planning along with an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
lifestyle, healthy bodies will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
in the nation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay These days, many school-aged children own a smart phone. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Write at 250 words. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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