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The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over: What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.1

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over: What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1
There is no doubt these days developed countries have experienced dropping in regard to birth rate which expected by 2030 one third of the population will be aged 65 and over. The question is, what are the impacts if these Predictions are true and What are the solutions to tackle this dilemma? In this essay, I am going to discuss the effects and the solutions of dropping birth rates and offer my own conclusion. In terms of the negative side, if the population continues to decrease with age 65 and over that will lead to a drop of economic growth. The main reason given support this claim is that economy of any country depends on young people. To illustrate, most of the start-up company usually established by young people. In other words, youth people enhance the economy since they are more willing to work because of the energy they have. Also, the relationship Between family becomes better with percentage of high youth rate, therefore, increasing the number of people to be more than age 65 is unhealthy for society. Moreover, population with age 65 and over has detrimental effects. Firstly, community should be aware of the problem. In other words, the dilemma will not be solved without the community become recognise their importance. Secondly, governments and organisation might help. This is because they can try to find solutions via funding researchers and anyone has the ability to find solutions. Also, promoting people getting married early will help the proportion of people over 65 to fall down. In conclusion, it is evident that developed countries have population with age 65 and over, considered to affect the economy. Governments and organizations Must ensure steps are taken to prevent this ‏Phenomenon from deteriorating future.
There is no doubt these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have experienced dropping in regard to birth rate which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
by 2030 one third of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will
be aged
65 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
. The question is, what are the impacts if these Predictions are true and What are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to tackle this dilemma? In this essay, I am going to discuss the effects and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
of dropping birth rates and offer my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
conclusion.

In terms of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
continues to decrease with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
65 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
that will lead to a drop of economic growth. The main reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
support this claim is that economy of any country depends on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To illustrate, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
usually
established by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In other words
, youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enhance the economy since they are more willing to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the energy they have.
Also
, the relationship Between family becomes better with percentage of high youth rate,
therefore
, increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
65 is unhealthy for society.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
65 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
has detrimental effects.
Firstly
, community should be aware of the problem.
In other words
, the dilemma will not
be solved
without the community become
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
their importance.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can try to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
via funding researchers and anyone has the ability to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
.
Also
, promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting married early will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
65 to fall down.

In conclusion
, it is evident that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
65 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
, considered to affect the economy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Must
ensure steps
are taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this ‏Phenomenon from deteriorating future.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS essay The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over: What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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