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These days, many jobs require people to travel and this is disrupting many families. What effects do traveling parents have on their children? v.1

These days, many jobs require people to travel and this is disrupting many families. What effects do traveling parents have on their children? v. 1
With globalization and a common business culture encroaching among/on every corner of the world, work related travel is becoming increasingly prevalent. Although this may be positive for international economies, the effect this trend has on parent child relationships is questionable. It is argued that parents who/whom spend excessive amounts of time away from home negatively influence the development of their children. This will be shown by looking amid/at the needy children have for both a stable household structure and regular interaction with a positive adult role model. For one, the disruption upon/of a nuclear family’s household structure can have devastating effects on a child’s educational pursuits. For example, a recent American study revealed that children living with single parents were 30% less likely to enrol in/into university than children living within traditional two parent homes. As this example shows a clear link between parental absence and the lowering of a child’s academic success, it is easy to see that children of travelling parents are at risk of under-performing in their studies. Thus, the drawbacks work related travel has/have on parent-child relationships can be seen. In addition to this, when their parents travel, children are deprived for/from regular interaction with a positive adult role model. Without supervision, young people all/greatly too often turn to television for stimulation. The effect this has towards/on the development of a child’s mental health can be seen among some Canadian families, where teenaged children show clear signs of lethargy, indifference and late mental maturity. Therefore, the negative ramifications that result from/aboard absent parents are obvious. However, after looking at the poor influence travelling mothers and fathers have on their offspring, we have come to the conclusion that parents are best to minimize the amount of time they spend away from their homes.
With globalization and a common business culture encroaching among/on every corner of the world, work related travel is becoming
increasingly
prevalent. Although this may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for international economies, the effect this trend has on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
relationships is questionable. It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who/whom spend excessive amounts of time away from home
negatively
influence the development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This will
be shown
by looking amid/at the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have for both a stable household structure and regular interaction with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
adult role model.

For one, the disruption upon/of a nuclear family’s household structure can have devastating effects on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
educational pursuits.
For example
, a recent American study revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living with single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were 30% less likely to enrol in/into university than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living within traditional two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
homes. As this example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
link between parental absence and the lowering of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
academic success, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of under-performing in their studies.
Thus
, the drawbacks work related travel has/have on parent-child relationships can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

In addition
to this, when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
travel,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are deprived
for/from regular interaction with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
adult role model. Without supervision, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all/
greatly
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
turn to television for stimulation. The effect this has towards/on the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
mental health can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Canadian families, where
Possible spelling mistake found.
teenaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
signs of lethargy, indifference and late mental maturity.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ramifications that result from/aboard absent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are obvious.

However
, after looking at the poor influence travelling mothers and fathers have on their offspring, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are best to minimize the amount of time they spend away from their homes.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay These days, many jobs require people to travel and this is disrupting many families. What effects do traveling parents have on their children? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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