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Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. v. 3
There is no doubt that technological developments have played a significant role in people’s routine. While some people argue that these discoveries are far more beneficial compared to those done nowadays, personally, I tend to agree with this notion up to a point. To begin with, some of the technological advances, which are being performed in last decades, are considered extremely vital and often as a crucial component of wellbeing. This is mainly because these discoveries have ease people’s life. For instance, the discovery of vaccines and computer are often seen as an integrated part of our lives, allowing us to be connected with people around the world and being healthy. In contrast, if researches had not done these particular developments, people would have been expose to a variety of health problems, including polio or rubella and therefore, jeopardizing their health. However, future is often unpredictable and full of unexpected events. This means that other significant technological discoveries may be done and thus reshaping our lifestyles. Take for example, life in Mars or other planets, which for the moment may seem an impossible and distant reality. But, due to global warming or other unknown factors people might have to leave our planet, which means that they have to travel to Mars and adopt to its harsh conditions, and future technological discoveries may be the key to solve this issue. As a result, these discoveries may dramatically transform people’s life and lead to a completely different human’s lifestyle. In conclusion, despite being crucial and having transformed our life compared to our grandparents, earlier developments are limited and further studies would be performed to adopt with current circumstances, and therefore may present some bright transformations
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
developments have played a significant role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
routine. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
are far more beneficial compared to those done nowadays,
personally
, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion up to a point.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
advances, which are
being performed
in last decades,
are considered
extremely
vital and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
as a crucial component of
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discovery
of vaccines and computer are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an integrated part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, allowing us to
be connected
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world and being healthy.
In contrast
, if researches had not done these particular developments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have been expose to a variety of health problems, including polio or rubella and
therefore
, jeopardizing their health.

However
, future is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
unpredictable and full of unexpected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. This means that other significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
may
be done
and
thus
reshaping our lifestyles. Take
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in Mars or other planets, which for the moment may seem an impossible and distant reality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, due to global warming or other unknown factors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
our planet, which means that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel to Mars and
Did you mean "adapt to"?
adopt to
its harsh conditions, and future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
may be the key to solve this issue.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
may
dramatically
transform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and lead to a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
human’s lifestyle.

In conclusion
, despite being crucial and having transformed our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
compared to our grandparents, earlier developments
are limited
and
further
studies would
be performed
to adopt with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
circumstances, and
therefore
may present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bright transformations
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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