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Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society. v.4

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society. v. 4
Over recent years, the people of today have been spending quite less time at home. The need for social interaction and face-to-face communication stimulate individuals to go out of the home. However, this natural desire leads to personal problems such as stress and anxiety and societal problems, especially environmental ones. Human is a social animal and he or she needs interaction with others. The availability of online interaction with technological advances does not satisfy those which have realized the importance of physical interaction. Researches suggest that online interaction is not a solution in the sense of loneliness, but they also have reported that people use social network sites to make friends who can be met in person. In addition, the high level of loneliness decreases when those who suffer from it escape from the home surrounded by walls. Therefore, the duration of time spent at home is seen a decline. Lack of time spent at home comes with both personal and societal problems. Those who want to get rid of the sense of loneliness can have high-level stress and anxiety in crowded areas. Especially, noisy places may trigger anxiety in individuals. In addition, people who spend excessive time out of home exposure the higher level of pollution than those who do not and this exposure leads to health issues such as asthma, heart-related problems, and bronchitis. Moreover, the increase in the number of people spending time outside creates pollution problems because this trend leads to noise, air, and environmental pollution which result from excessive consuming. In conclusion, the people of today prefer to spend less time at home as a result of the lack of interaction. The physical desire for physical interaction is pushing people to go out of the borders of house today. Although going outside and engaged in crowded activities looks like an effective solution for the satisfaction of that desire, spending excessive time outside can likely cause stress-related problems and also environmental problems.
Over recent years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have been spending quite less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home. The need for social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
and face-to-face communication stimulate individuals to go out of the home.
However
, this natural desire leads to personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety and societal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
especially
environmental ones.

Human is a social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
animal and
he or she needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
with others. The availability of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
with technological advances does not satisfy those which have realized the importance of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
. Researches suggest that online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
is not a solution in the sense of loneliness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
have reported that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social network sites to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
be met
in person.
In addition
, the high level of loneliness decreases when those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
suffer from it escape from the home surrounded by walls.
Therefore
, the duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent at home is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a decline.

Lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with both personal and societal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the sense of loneliness can have high-level
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety in crowded areas.
Especially
, noisy places may trigger anxiety in individuals.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
out of home exposure the higher level of pollution than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not and this exposure leads to health issues such as asthma, heart-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, and bronchitis.
Moreover
, the increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside creates pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this trend leads to noise, air, and environmental pollution which result from excessive consuming.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
prefer to spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home
as a result
of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
. The physical desire for physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
is pushing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go out of the borders of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Although going outside and engaged in crowded activities looks like an effective solution for the satisfaction of that desire, spending excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside can likely cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
also
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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