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It is said that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Therefore, schools should provide breakfast for school children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

It is said that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Therefore, schools should provide breakfast for school children. with this opinion? v. 1
Despite the truth that a balanced diet is essential for children's development, a lot of parents have difficulties to spare their energy and time to provide their children breakfast. However, some people believe that schools should provide students balanced breakfast, I believe that it is not the school's responsibility to feed them in the morning. To begin with, it is said that breakfast is the most important meal for pupils and should be given fairly in the schools. While I concede that most of both parents tend to work today and they don't have enough time to give their children a meal in the morning, but the problem is that each school does not have a capacity to manage to feed more than 100 students. In fact, giving food must be done properly that schools sometimes fail. Taking care of children who have allergies, for instance, should be monitored carefully what to feed with a professional nutritionist, because an allergic reaction could kill a person in worst case. Another concern of feeding school children is that mass outbreak of food poisoning. Although supporters of school feeding often argue that providing nutritious food for students might improve their academic performance drastically, I argue that the risk of a mass outbreak of food poisoning can be very injurious to children. Not all schools are capable of restoring food under the appropriate environment and tend to bring about the food poisoning to the mass population, which I personally believe that feeding food could be risky for children. Finally, probably my strongest argument to disagree with the idea of offering breakfast in school is that the cost schools have to manage. A lot of schools face a financial difficulty and tend to cut the salary of teachers now. Giving breakfast for children, in fact, means that schools must hire cooks and a professional nutritionist that can cost a fortune, which I do not believe that the idea of school offering a meal in the morning. To sum up, not only a school feeding system is unfeasible financially, but it also could give an outbreak of food poisoning. Therefore, I disagree with those who believe in school breakfast.
Despite the truth that a balanced diet is essential for children's development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
parents have difficulties to spare their energy and time to provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should provide students balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is not the school's responsibility to feed them in the morning.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
meal for pupils and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
fairly
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. While I concede that most of both parents tend to work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
today and
they don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a meal in the morning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the problem is that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
does not have a capacity to manage to feed more than 100 students. In fact, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
properly
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
fail. Taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have allergies,
for instance
, should
be monitored
carefully
what to feed with a professional nutritionist,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an allergic reaction could kill a person in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the worst".
worst
case.

Another concern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that mass outbreak of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poisoning
. Although supporters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argue that providing nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for students might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic performance
drastically
, I argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of a mass outbreak of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poisoning
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
injurious to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are capable of restoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
under the appropriate environment and tend to bring about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poisoning
to the mass population, which I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
could be risky for children.

Finally
,
probably
my strongest argument to disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is that the cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
face a financial difficulty and tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the salary of teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, in fact, means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
hire cooks and a professional nutritionist that can cost a fortune, which I do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
offering a meal in the morning.

To sum up, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeding
system is unfeasible
financially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
could give an outbreak of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poisoning
.
Therefore
, I disagree with those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is said that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Therefore, schools should provide breakfast for school children. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
363 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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