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These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.4

These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. v. 4
Migrating to a new nation for work-related purposes are a prevalent phenomenon. Therefore, public discourse on whether this movement is beneficial for children of these migrant households shows no sign of abating. Ingrained in this essay is my belief that although a new environment might defy a child’s adaptability, this change is still more favourable for them in the long run. Those whose core argument revolves around the drawbacks of this move might contend that numerous unfamiliar factors in a different environment can challenge the ability to adapt of children. Unlike adults, who should have undergone radical changes in their lives, a child’s deficient experience renders it difficult for him to adapt to new surroundings. For example, a new language, a new school, new friends, or even new food is all bizarre to him, all of which which might take him a long time to familiarise himself with. This can ultimately engender alienation, and discomfort, which might hinder the most pivotal aspect of a child’s life, his study at school. Nonetheless, after the child has adapted to the new environment, I argue that there is a wide array of benefits that he can enjoy, one of which is likely conducive to an open mind. Once he is no longer confined within his childhood area, he will have various eye-opening experiences, such as meeting people of different races, ethnicities, and colours. This can engrave deeply in his psyche the fact that people are individual entities, thereby obliterating any potential prejudice against others that he might have. He will be empowered to become a global citizen, who will serve a proactive role in materialising a bias-free world. In summary, despite moving to a new nation being a temporary obstacle, those children who migrate with their families are the beneficiaries of prejudice-free spirit. I strongly believe that they will be world-changing catalysts in formulating a perfect world in which racism, or discrimination would cease to exist.
Migrating to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
nation for work-related purposes are a prevalent phenomenon.
Therefore
, public discourse on whether this movement is beneficial for children of these migrant households
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of abating. Ingrained in this essay is my belief that although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
defy a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
adaptability, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is
still
more
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for them in the long run.

Those whose core argument revolves around the drawbacks of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
contend that numerous unfamiliar factors in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environment can challenge the ability to adapt of children. Unlike adults, who should have undergone radical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
deficient experience renders it difficult for him to adapt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
surroundings.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
language, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends, or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
food is all bizarre to him, all of
Possible typo: you repeated a word
which which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
take him a long time to
Possible spelling mistake. 'familiarise' is British English.
familiarise
himself with. This can
ultimately
engender alienation, and discomfort, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
hinder the most pivotal aspect of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
life, his study at school.

Nonetheless, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has adapted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment, I argue that there is a wide array of benefits that he can enjoy, one of which is likely conducive to an open mind. Once he is no longer confined within his childhood area, he will have various eye-opening experiences, such as meeting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
races, ethnicities, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
. This can engrave
deeply
in his psyche the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are individual entities, thereby obliterating any potential prejudice against others that he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have. He will
be empowered
to become a global citizen, who will serve a proactive role in
Possible spelling mistake. 'materialising' is British English.
materialising
a bias-free world.

In summary, despite moving to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
nation being a temporary obstacle, those children who migrate with their families are the beneficiaries of prejudice-free spirit. I
strongly
believe that they will be world-changing catalysts in formulating a perfect world in which racism, or discrimination would cease to exist.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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