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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree and disagree with this opinion. v. 159 v.68

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. v. 159 v. 68
These days, many types of music are developed and become a part of our life. There are many people think that music is a great bridge to connect humans from various cultures and ages to each others. I strongly agree with that statement and this essay will support my view. Firstly, people do not need to understand which language is used in a song in order to fully touch it. This is because a song is a set of seven notes in different orders, so feeling a song that mean you just need to hear the melody. Moreover, some types of music such as symphonies or piano songs do not have the lyrics, but they still sound wonderful. As a result, human from distinct countries with diverse language can share their hobbies easily. To take one example, communities from many regions in the world are fond of listening to Korean music, in spite of do not know the Korean. Secondly, music can make people relax and become less heated. There are some experiments show that listening soft music help human to reduce stress and have a good emotions. Consequently, human behaviour will be improved and the relationships between people will become better. To illustrate this point, if people act well with the others, the controversy will not be happening. In conclusion, despite the fact that music can differ in terms of languages or types. However, in my opinion, with its characteristics, music definitely has the ability to bring persons together.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are developed
and become a part of our life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a great bridge to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
from various cultures and ages to each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that statement and this essay will support my view.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to understand which language is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a song in order to
fully
touch it. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a song is a set of seven notes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
orders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
feeling a song that mean you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to hear the melody.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
such as symphonies or piano songs do not have the lyrics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
still
sound wonderful.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
from distinct countries with diverse language can share their hobbies
easily
. To take one example, communities from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions in the world are fond of listening to Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
do not know the Korean.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relax and become less heated. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that listening soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "emotion"?
emotions
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and the relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will become better. To illustrate this point, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
act well with the others, the controversy will not be happening.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can differ in terms of languages or types.
However
, in my opinion, with its characteristics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
definitely has the ability to bring persons together.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. v. 159 v. 68

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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