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These days many children spend a lot of time playing video games and many parents feel this is very negative. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

These days many children spend a lot of time playing video games and many parents feel this is very negative. v. 2
Video games have been around for about 35 to 40 years, and have become an intricate part of our daily lives through phones, computers, and game consoles. However, there has been a growing concern among parents, sociologist, and those in the mental health field that minors are becoming increasingly bombarded by negativity from video games and therefore are a bad influence on children. Overall, this assessment about the horrible impact of games on kids is true, especially when you consider the violence and missing out on real life goals. As a starting of supporting that video games are a poor influence on young people, we can look at the violence that is taught. In many video games, children can witness or use the main characters to kill others with military weapons, and this is horrible for their psyche because they begin to lose empathy for life. Not only is gun violence a problem, but also the young gamers can participate in theft and robbery, which they can possibly transfer into a real life similar action. For example, in the news recently a young man robbed a thrift store and when asked why he committed a crime, he claimed that he was inspired by the grand theft auto video game. As a result of gun and theft violence in these games, the proper view is that they are negative for our youth. Notwithstanding these convincing points related to violence, we can find further support by examining real life goals that are missed due to video games. Not completing homework and a lack of family time participation are the key points that come to mind when discussing video games and real life goals. Clearly, when a child spends 5 to 6 hours after school playing call of duty, he will not complete his homework assignment and in turn likely receive failing school grades. In similar fashion, many studies have shown that video games lead young people to be anti-social towards their family, and as a result parents lose a personal relationship that would allow them to teach family values important for life. It appears that based on the above referenced explanations related to violence and missing out on life goals, we cannot make any other choice than to fall on the side of video games being negative for kids. As a suggestion, we must reduce child dependency on games for entertainment, or we will possibly lose a generation to this negative influence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have been around for about 35 to 40 years, and have become an intricate part of our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
through phones, computers, and game consoles.
However
, there has been a growing concern among parents, sociologist, and those in the mental health field that minors are becoming
increasingly
bombarded by negativity from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
therefore
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on children.
Overall
, this assessment about the horrible impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on kids is true,
especially
when you consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and missing out on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals.

As a starting of supporting that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are a poor influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, we can look at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
that
is taught
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, children can witness or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the main characters to kill others with military weapons, and this is horrible for their psyche
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to lose empathy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is gun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
a problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
gamers can participate in theft and robbery, which they can
possibly
transfer into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
similar action.
For example
, in the news recently a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
robbed a thrift store and when asked why he committed a crime, he claimed that he
was inspired
by the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
grand theft auto
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game.
As a result
of gun and theft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the proper view is that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for our youth.

Notwithstanding these convincing points related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
, we can find
further
support by examining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals that
are missed
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Not completing homework and a lack of family time participation are the key points that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to mind when discussing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals.
Clearly
, when a child spends 5 to 6 hours after school playing
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
call of duty
, he will not complete his homework assignment and in turn likely receive failing school grades. In similar fashion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be anti-social towards their family, and
as a result
parents lose a personal relationship that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to teach family values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for life.

It appears that based on the above referenced explanations related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and missing out on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goals, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any other choice than to fall on the side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for kids. As a suggestion, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
child dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for entertainment, or we will
possibly
lose a generation to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay These days many children spend a lot of time playing video games and many parents feel this is very negative. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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