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Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do you think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples. v.3

Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do you think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples. v. 3
To achieve a balance between family and career is a desire of most of the parents, but remains unrealistic for many. A strong compulsion to earn money to sustain in the society is the main reason for failing to achieve the balance. This particular problem can be avoided by finding ways to save money and allocating appropriate time to both the family and for the career. Parents being pushed into ever running money-earning life have an imbalance between their family life and career. While the inflation is pinned down for the necessity to earn more money, a disproportionate expenditure of time at work and home also adds insult to the inury. For example, when both the parent of the family work three jobs a month to make the ends meet, more the number of hours they spend away from personal life and lesser the time to plan for their children. Consequently, an imbalance often leading to progression in the career at the cost of ignorance towards the family. However, cutting down unnecessary expenses may allow parents to work less, which in turn provide some extra time to spend with family members. Careful expenditure of salary or wages with little savings spares the breadwinner of the family relief from extra jobs. This decompresses the mind and gives a relaxed situation for quality family time. For instance, money spent on entertainments can be cut down to half and diverted to the medical or food expenses; thereby, reducing the need to work extra hours. To conclude, most of the parents find it difficult to attain a balance between family and career. Inevitable need to earn money due to inflation made them excel in career but fail in the family although proper planning to save money and time may root out this cause in several ways.
To achieve a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is a desire of most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
remains unrealistic for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. A strong compulsion to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to sustain in the society is the main reason for failing to achieve the balance. This particular problem can
be avoided
by finding ways to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and allocating appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and for the career.

Parents
being pushed
into ever running money-earning life have an imbalance between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. While the inflation
is pinned
down for the necessity to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, a disproportionate expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and home
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
insult to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
inury
.
For example
, when both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
three jobs a month to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, more the number of hours they spend away from personal life and lesser the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to plan for their children.
Consequently
, an imbalance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leading to progression in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
at the cost of ignorance towards the family.

However
, cutting down unnecessary expenses may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
less, which in turn provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Careful expenditure of salary or wages with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
savings spares the breadwinner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relief from extra jobs. This decompresses the mind and gives a relaxed situation for quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on entertainments can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down to half and diverted to the medical or food expenses; thereby, reducing the need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
extra hours.

To conclude
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
find it difficult to attain a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. Inevitable need to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
due to inflation made them excel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fail in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
although proper planning to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
may root out this cause in several ways.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do you think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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