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Some people say death penalty should not be given even to murderers. They are of the option that putting in prison for a long time is a better way of punishment. What is your opinion? v.2

Some people say death penalty should not be given even to murderers. They are of the option that putting in prison for a long time is a better way of punishment. What is your opinion? v. 2
It is the belief of few people that even the murderers not be punished with death sentence but be termed with prolonged duration of imprisonment. I completely agree with this view as many first-time convicts commit crimes without any real criminal intention and deserve a chance for rehabilitation. Not all but many first-time law offenders, be it a thief or murderer, commit offenses without the intention to do so. People often violate law as a need of the minute, and same is the case with some serious offenses, too. Being left out without any choice than to commit the crime, despite knowing its results, makes people criminals circumstantially. The Times has reported that 90% of convicted murderers in Michigan prisons are first timers, and their case files, too, have not suggested of intentions and plans beforehand. Thus, the majority of convicts do not deserve life ending punishments, rather an increased duration of imprisonment. That being said, rehabilitation during the period of prison life allows these convicts to realise the magnitude of their mistakes. Since most of them are new to committing crimes and are aware of the consequences of violation of law, chances of them being prevented from repeating the offences is quite high, unlike serial law breakers. This is supported by a study conducted by Oxford University in New York prison, in which they claim that as prisoners made to undergo more hours of rhabilitation program, less number of them have repeated the offense after their release and, consequently, proving the effectiveness of rehabilitation during imprisonment. To conclude, many people believe that death sentences should not be offered to any criminal regardless of the seriousness of their crime, but they prefer longer duration as punishment as it provides time for realisation and rehabilitation. I, too, believe in the same
It is the belief of few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that even the murderers not
be punished
with death sentence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
be termed
with prolonged duration of imprisonment. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
first
-time convicts commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
without any real criminal intention and deserve a chance for rehabilitation.

Not all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
first
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
offenders, be it a thief or murderer, commit offenses without the intention to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
violate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
as a need of the minute, and same is the case with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious offenses, too. Being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out without any choice than to commit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, despite knowing its results,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
criminals
circumstantially
. The Times
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
reported that 90% of convicted murderers in Michigan prisons are
first
timers, and their case files, too, have not suggested of intentions and plans beforehand.
Thus
, the majority of convicts do not deserve life ending punishments,
rather
an increased duration of imprisonment.

That
being said
, rehabilitation during the period of prison life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
these convicts to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the magnitude of their mistakes. Since most of them are new to committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and are aware of the consequences of violation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
, chances of them being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
from repeating the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
is quite high, unlike serial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
breakers. This
is supported
by a study conducted by Oxford University in New York prison, in which they claim that as prisoners made to undergo more hours of
Possible spelling mistake found.
rhabilitation
program, less number of them have repeated the offense after their release and,
consequently
, proving the effectiveness of rehabilitation during imprisonment.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that death sentences should not
be offered
to any criminal regardless of the seriousness of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they prefer longer duration as punishment as it provides time for
Possible spelling mistake. 'realisation' is British English.
realisation
and rehabilitation. I, too, believe in the same
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say death penalty should not be given even to murderers. They are of the option that putting in prison for a long time is a better way of punishment. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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