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Question- Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.6

Question- Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6
In various nations around the world, the museums should have fees for entering while others do not believe that, this is clearly drawbacks for this. However, I personally think the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages. Firstly, if the government restricts the accessing to museums, many people will not see the history of their country, because they do not have enough money to spend it for museums. For example, in Syria, most people under the poverty line and they do not have a lot of money to pay for charges of museums. As a result, they will not give them a chance to see historical tools inside national museums. The restricting of poorer people from seeing their history will prevent a large number of population from historical knowledge. On the other hand, there are numerous advantages from setting charges for museums. The visitors of museums will feel the important value of that location, and then they will try to be careful about their movement. Moreover, the government will achieve significant income from these fees, it will help the authorities in improving the services of their people, for instance, the Syrian government uses the charges from museums in the income of the country. The charges from museums consider important income for many countries around the world. In conclusion, some people consider the charges of museums important income for their nations, while others advocate about making the accessing to museums is free. Consequently, the countries which allow to their people and tourists have a look about the history of them. This knowledge will give the country keen repetition. I recommend that the advantages for museum’s charge are more than the disadvantages.
In various nations around the world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should have fees for entering while others do not believe that, this is
clearly
drawbacks for this.
However
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages.

Firstly
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
restricts the accessing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the history of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spend it for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
For example
, in Syria, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under the poverty
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
line and
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
As a result
, they will not give them a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
historical tools inside national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. The restricting of poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from seeing their history will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
population from historical knowledge.

On the other hand
, there are numerous advantages from setting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. The visitors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will feel the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
value of that location, and then they will try to be careful about their movement.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will achieve significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
from these fees, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the authorities in improving the services of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for instance
, the Syrian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the world.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for their nations, while others advocate about making the accessing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is free.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and tourists have a look about the history of them. This knowledge will give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
keen repetition. I recommend that the advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
are more than the disadvantages.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Question- Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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