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These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school. What are the reasons for this? How can it be dealt with? v.1

These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school. What are the reasons for this? How can it be dealt with? v. 1
Teachers are increasingly finding that their pupils do not pay full attention or concentrate properly during class time. This essay will examine the reasons for this and suggest some possible solutions. One of the reasons for this is that teachers now lack the freedom to discipline children. In the past, teachers could use any methods they felt appropriate to control pupils in their class, even if this meant physical punishment. However, the balance has now changed, with children aware that there are limits to what a teacher can do and without this respect they do not concentrate if they do not want to. There have, for example, been cases were pupils have sued teachers for disciplining them too harshly. Children should of course not be abused, but teachers must be given more power to use the methods that they think appropriate to control the class without fear of recrimination. Another factor may be the diet of children. Research has widely reported that the additives in a lot of the snacks and carbonated drinks that children drink regularly can cause behavioural changes such as hyperactivity. This may lead to a lack of ability to concentrate in class. To prevent this, schools must make sure that these snacks are not available at the school. Parents have a part to play as well, and they must ensure that their children are not given too much of these types of snacks at home. To conclude, children may have difficulty paying attention in class because of a lack of discipline in schools and additives from snacks. However, the solutions are to give more power back to teachers and to limit the availability of certain foods.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
are
increasingly
finding that their pupils do not pay full attention or concentrate
properly
during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
time. This essay will examine the reasons for this and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions.

One of the reasons for this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
lack the freedom to discipline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any methods they felt appropriate to control pupils in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, even if this meant physical punishment.
However
, the balance has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aware that there are limits to what a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can do and without this respect they do not concentrate if they do not want to. There have,
for example
, been cases were pupils have sued
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
for disciplining them too
harshly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
of course
not
be abused
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the methods that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
appropriate to control the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
without fear of recrimination.

Another factor may be the diet of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Research has
widely
reported that the additives in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
and carbonated drinks that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
drink
regularly
can cause
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
such as hyperactivity. This may lead to a lack of ability to concentrate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this, schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
are not available at the school. Parents have a part to play
as well
, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
too much of these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
at home.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may have difficulty paying attention in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a lack of discipline in schools and additives from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
.
However
, the solutions are to give more power back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and to limit the availability of certain foods.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school. What are the reasons for this? How can it be dealt with? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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