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In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 5
Nowadays, the multiple kinds of crime rate were rising compared to the last two decades ago in almost all countries. The essay will examine the main causes of increasing misconduct and possible solutions of this problem. The two main causes of offenses against the law are lack of employment opportunities and the usage of drugs. The unemployment is a big issue not only at least developing countries, but also in developing and developed countries. As the increase of jobless population, people often commit the common lawlessness cases for their survival, such as robbery, pickpocketing and stealing. Next, the consumption of drugs, especially among the teenagers and adults, becomes very problematic in most countries. The surge of global drug dealings leads the huge amount of narcotic addicted people. According the recent news and reports, the level of crime related to drugs shows an upward trend significantly in all regions of the world. Some possible solutions to this problem are creating the job opportunities and tight control of drugs. The government should perform as a major role in order to remove those causes, for instance, enhancing the economy of the country by means of promoting small and medium enterprises and inviting the foreign investments so that there will be a variety of positions for professionals and non-professionals. For the regarding the drugs, it fully relies on the law. In addition, the strong sentence such as capital punishment should apply to those people who tried and traded drugs. Besides, the drug rehabilitation center should establish for those drugs addicted people rather than sending them to prison. The public awareness of narcotic should be distributed through the media as well as social media. This way, people will be conscious of the danger of drugs. To conclude, the lack of job vacancies and the consuming of narcotic take people into a criminal case. However, the effective solutions can be done by removing root causes.
Nowadays, the multiple kinds of crime rate were rising compared to the last two decades ago in almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The essay will examine the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of increasing misconduct and possible solutions of this problem.

The two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of offenses against the law are lack of employment opportunities and the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
unemployment is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at least developing
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countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in developing and developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. As the increase of jobless population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
commit the common lawlessness cases for their survival, such as robbery,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pickpocketing
and stealing.
Next
, the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
,
especially
among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adults, becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
problematic in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The surge of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
dealings leads the huge amount of narcotic addicted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
It appears that a preposition is missing after 'According'.
According the
recent news and reports, the level of crime related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
an upward trend
significantly
in all regions of the world.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
possible solutions to this problem are creating the job opportunities and tight control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should perform as a major role in order to remove those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
,
for instance
, enhancing the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by means of promoting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and medium enterprises and inviting the foreign investments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there will be a variety of positions for professionals and non-professionals. For the regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, it
fully
relies on the law.
In addition
, the strong sentence such as capital punishment should apply to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who tried and traded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
rehabilitation center should establish for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
addicted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than sending them to prison. The public awareness of narcotic should
be distributed
through the media
as well
as social media. This way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be conscious of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of drugs.

To conclude
, the lack of job vacancies and the consuming of narcotic take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into a criminal case.
However
, the effective solutions can
be done
by removing root
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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