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Modern professional women confront a difficulty that men don’t generally face: the struggle to balance the pressures of work and home. In your opinion, how can this difficulty best be solved. Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your o v.1

Modern professional women confront a difficulty that men don’t generally face: the struggle to balance the pressures of work and home. In your opinion, how can this difficulty best be solved. 1
It is believed by some people that in the near future travelling by aircraft will decrease. In my opinion, the downward trend in air travel will hurt the business, the economy as well as the family relationship. Firstly, choosing a mode of transportation other than plane will have a detrimental impact on airline companies and travel agencies. With a lower number of passengers, companies cannot run their business operations as they have to bear a large number of fixed costs. For example, Emirates airline has to pay the same charge for oil, pilots, and air hostess if it has to fly with 100 passengers rather than 200 customers. Thus, it is not financially possible to operate a business effectively. Secondly, the drop-in plane travelling will adversely affect the tourism industry as many national and international tourists want to explore heritage areas by minimizing journey time. This will, therefore, tend to decline the income of local people as well as tourist and resort organizations. For instance, in Indonesia, most of the country’s income comes from tourists and there is no other way to go there except a plane. So, a reduction in air travel negatively affects any country’s economy. Finally, people will be reluctant to visit their loved ones if there is a reduction in air travel. In other words, because having to make a long journey through other modes of transportations people will not want to see their friends and family members consistently. It will hamper the relationship and intimacy with others. In conclusion, drop-in air travel in the future will negatively impact on company’s survival, economic conditions and personal relationship.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that in the near future travelling by aircraft will decrease. In my opinion, the downward trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
will hurt the business, the economy
as well
as the family relationship.

Firstly
, choosing a mode of transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
will have a detrimental impact on airline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
agencies. With a lower number of passengers,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
cannot run their business operations as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
costs.
For example
, Emirates airline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay the same charge for oil, pilots, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
hostess if it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
fly
with 100 passengers
rather
than 200 customers.
Thus
, it is not
financially
possible to operate a business
effectively
.

Secondly
, the drop-in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
travelling will
adversely
affect the tourism industry as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
national and international tourists want to explore heritage areas by minimizing journey time. This will,
therefore
, tend to decline the income of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as tourist and resort organizations.
For instance
, in Indonesia, most of the country’s income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from tourists and there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
way to go there except a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
negatively
affects any country’s economy.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be reluctant to visit their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
if there is a reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long journey through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
modes of transportations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their friends and family members
consistently
. It will hamper the relationship and intimacy with others.

In conclusion
, drop-in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
in the future will
negatively
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s survival, economic conditions and personal relationship.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Modern professional women confront a difficulty that men don’t generally face: the struggle to balance the pressures of work and home. In your opinion, how can this difficulty best be solved. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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