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These days, in many countries few people want to become teachers. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved? v.1

These days, in many countries few people want to become teachers. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved? v. 1
In a recent years, after the industrial revolution has been started, the machine made products are so dumped on the consumer market and also have reasonable cost to afford them. However, Handmade products are significantly unique than mass produced goods. In this essay, I shall explain with some valid points to buy both depends upon the condition lying. To begin with, Buying a handmade product, they are more intuitive, sensitive and have been given more attention in detail while comparing with machine made. For instance, if we want to buy a jewel, usually we would prefer man made. Because of it attracts so more. A study by Hallmark states that 50% of machine made ornaments going to recycle due to not willing to afford by people. This example will be similar when you prefer to buy artistic made products like sculptures, paintings, etc. On the contrary, the regular usage products which are built by machine made, people more are willing to buy. The reason behind there is, those of them have been coming with desired shape and dimension, whereas in human made it does not. Moreover, that the cost will be cheaper to afford them. Those will be produced huge in production and have been flooding a lot on the market. Industries get profit more than handmade. To conclude, there are many reasons behind buying machine goods as well as man-made. However, Industrialists have to eye on the environment side while producing them and also make sure that taking pre-cautionary steps to prevent more damage on nature things.
In a recent
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "year"?
years
, after the industrial revolution has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dumped on the consumer market and
also
have reasonable cost to afford them.
However
, Handmade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
significantly
Use "uniquer" to make a comparison with this adjective.
unique
than
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
mass produced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. In this essay, I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid points to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
both depends upon the condition lying.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Buying a handmade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, they are more intuitive, sensitive and have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more attention in detail while comparing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
made.
For instance
, if we want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a jewel,
usually
we would prefer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
made.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of it attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more. A study by Hallmark states that 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
made ornaments going to recycle due to not willing to afford by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This example will be similar when you prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
artistic made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
like sculptures, paintings, etc.

On the contrary
, the regular usage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which
are built
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
made,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
. The reason behind there is, those of them have been coming with desired shape and dimension, whereas in human made it does not.
Moreover
, that the cost will be cheaper to afford them. Those will
be produced
huge in production and have been flooding a lot on the market. Industries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
profit more than handmade.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made.
However
, Industrialists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
eye on the environment side while producing them and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that taking
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-cautionary
steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
more damage on nature things.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay These days, in many countries few people want to become teachers. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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