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The diagrams below show the development of small fishing village its surrounding area into a large European tourist resort v.1

The diagrams below show the development of small fishing village its surrounding area into a large European tourist resort v. 1
There has been a huge amount development in the technological area which has positively impacted the corporate business houses. We have seen a significant increase in the online meetings and seminars. I believe online mode of communication has more demerits than merits. There are advantages of having meetings and training online. To start with, It saves a lot of time and money for the company. As the company does not have to invest money in organising a conference which involves various miscellaneous expenses such as flight tickets, accommodation. It also reduces on the time involved In commuting, which would also help in reducing the pollution in the environment. In addition, it can help in having a work like balance. The employee is able to use the time saved in travelling to spend with their family. However, there are downsides to this. The important meeting and training can be hampered due to bad internet connectivity. Although the company trying to organise the meeting at the most appropriate time that everyone can attend, some employee still attends in the midnight because of the difference in their time-zone. Also Spending long period of time on the electronic devices can cause serious health problems. Furthermore, there is an increase level of distraction for the employee which could result in reducing his productivity and can have a negative impact on business. In conclusion, I believe online communication provides a convenient way to communicate and can be more economical. However, it can not a complete replacement for the traditional one due to the drawbacks it generated.
There has been a huge amount development in the technological area which has
positively
impacted the corporate business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a significant increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and seminars. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
mode of communication has more demerits than merits.

There are advantages of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, It saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. As the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest money in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
a conference which involves various miscellaneous expenses such as flight tickets, accommodation. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
involved In commuting, which would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing the pollution in the environment.
In addition
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in having a work like balance. The employee is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saved in travelling to spend with their family.

However
, there are downsides to this. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
and training can
be hampered
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
internet connectivity. Although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
trying to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
at the most appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that everyone can attend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employee
still
attends in the midnight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the difference in their time-zone.
Also
Spending long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the electronic devices can cause serious health problems.
Furthermore
, there is an increase level of distraction for the employee which could result in reducing his productivity and can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on business.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communication provides a convenient way to communicate and can be more economical.
However
, it can not a complete replacement for the traditional one due to the drawbacks it generated.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagrams below show the development of small fishing village its surrounding area into a large European tourist resort v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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