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These days a lot of people have their own computer and telephone. It has become quite easy to do job from home. Do you think it has more advantages or more disadvantages? v.1

These days a lot of people have their own computer and telephone. It has become quite easy to do job from home. Do you think it has more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 1
There exists a tendency seen in some nations that resources should be allocated into the construction of new railing systems for high speed trains moving between urban areas, which is of an urgent need. However, a great number of people assert that the national budgets should be spent on enhancing the current public transport’s quality. The two sides of this issue would be discussed as follows and I would like to suggest my own viewpoint. In the first place, there are several arguments supporting the idea that national budget should be spent on improving the current transport infrastructures. The most striking reason is that it could be extravagantly expensive with regards to constructing an entirely new system of railroads. Secondly, forests could be destroyed and many homeowners have to move to another place in order to make room for the construction of railways. In addition, a majority of people have been increasingly dependent on the currently transporting systems and are rather reluctant to use something new which has not been proven to be efficient and effective. Altogether, it is comprehensible that why money should be allocated in making the existing transportation systems better. On the other hand, I am personally in all agreement with the statement that it is advisable to give the top priority to build brand new railroads. Firstly, with this new construction, people would have a wider range of options when it comes to means of transport, hence, mitigating the problems they might face when travelling. To be more precise, instead of taking a car trip to commute, white-collar workers could save a tremendous amount of time as well as not have to suffer from the anger and stress stemming from traffic congestion when using rapid trains. Secondly, new railroad lines would gradually change the long-established habit of people who have been familiar with traditional means of transport such as cars or motorbikes, which adversely affect the atmosphere. Since trains are usually more environmentally-friendly compared to those vehicles, therefore, in long terms, the pressing air pollution issue would probably be alleviated if people could switch into using them more frequently. In conclusion, I favour the statement that national resources should be spent on building more railway systems for a better future of not only citizens but also their nations.
There exists a tendency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations that resources should
be allocated
into the construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
railing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
for high speed trains moving between urban areas, which is of an urgent need.
However
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that the national budgets should
be spent
on enhancing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport’s
quality. The two sides of this issue would
be discussed
as follows and I would like to suggest my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
viewpoint.

In the
first
place, there are several arguments supporting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that national budget should
be spent
on improving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
infrastructures. The most striking reason is that it could be
extravagantly
expensive
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
constructing an
entirely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of railroads.
Secondly
, forests could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
homeowners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another place in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
room for the construction of railways.
In addition
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been
increasingly
dependent on the
currently
transporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
and are
rather
reluctant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
which has not
been proven
to be efficient and effective. Altogether, it is comprehensible that why money should
be allocated
in making the existing transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
better.

On the other hand
, I am
personally
in all agreement with the statement that it is advisable to give the top priority to build brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
railroads.
Firstly
, with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
construction,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have a wider range of options when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
,
hence
, mitigating the problems they might face when travelling. To be more precise,
instead
of taking a car trip to commute, white-collar workers could save a tremendous amount of time
as well
as not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from the anger and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
stemming from traffic congestion when using rapid trains.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
railroad lines would
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the long-established habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have been familiar with traditional means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
such as cars or motorbikes, which
adversely
affect the atmosphere. Since trains are
usually
more
environmentally
-friendly compared to those vehicles,
therefore
, in long terms, the pressing air pollution issue would
probably
be alleviated
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could switch into using them more
frequently
.

In conclusion
, I
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the statement that national resources should
be spent
on building more railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
for a better future of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their nations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay These days a lot of people have their own computer and telephone. It has become quite easy to do job from home. Do you think it has more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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