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There should be laws to control the amount and type of violence shown on television programs. To what extent do u agree/ disagree with this statement. v.1

There should be laws to control the amount and type of violence shown on television programs. v. 1
Rail transportation is one of the fastest and safest means of transportation ever. It is a special way of transport, which every country should develop and maintain. But should it be largely spent on, such that other methods of travelling should be abandoned? This essay will discuss the advantages of maintaining and encouraging the rail transport structure; also, reasons why existing public transport means should not be neglected. In my opinion, money should be equally spent developing all public methods of transportation. Firstly, it has been known for a while now, that less attention is being paid to the rail transportation structure compared to the others such as Air, road and sea transportation. For instance, the Nigeria Railway Corporation's bead office has been obsolete for years without any reconstruction or development. In this situation, it is necessary for the government to revive the rail transportation structure and to construct new rail lines for the very fast trains between cities. On the contrary, since the populace already has an existing means of transportation they all are used to, it would be more sensible and considerable if they could improve on the currently used transportation system. For example, not everyone in a certain state will gain access to a rail station to book a ticket. That is, not every metropolis have a railway. Therefore, most of the residents in these areas will appreciate and enjoy smooth transportation if some funds can be spent on the existing public transportation they use. However, since not every person will benefit from the development of the rail system, financial attention should be paid to the existing ones. In conclusion, rail transportation is a welcome development to improve the transportation sector of any state and it is worth spending on. Also, the existing ways of transportation should not be abandoned but should be improved too. In my point of view, every type of transportation requires development to ensure safe movements for the citizens.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is one of the fastest and safest means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
ever. It is a special way of transport, which every country should develop and maintain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
should it be
largely
spent on, such that other methods of travelling should
be abandoned
? This essay will discuss the advantages of maintaining and encouraging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
transport structure;
also
, reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existing
public transport means should not
be neglected
. In my opinion, money should be
equally
spent developing all public methods of transportation.

Firstly
, it has
been known
for a while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, that less attention is
being paid
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
structure compared to the others such as Air, road and sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
.
For instance
, the Nigeria Railway Corporation's bead office has been obsolete for years without any reconstruction or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. In this situation, it is necessary for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to revive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
structure and to construct new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
lines for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
trains between cities.

On the contrary
, since the populace already has an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existing
means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
they all are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to, it would be more sensible and considerable if they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
on the
currently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system.
For example
, not everyone in a certain state will gain access to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
station to book a ticket.
That is
, not every metropolis have a railway.
Therefore
, most of the residents in these areas will appreciate and enjoy smooth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funds can
be spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existing
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
However
, since not every person will benefit from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
system, financial attention should
be paid
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existing
ones.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is a welcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
sector of any state and it is worth spending on.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existing
ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
should not
be abandoned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
too. In my point of view, every type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
to ensure safe movements for the citizens.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay There should be laws to control the amount and type of violence shown on television programs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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