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Successful companies use advertisement to make more sales. What can make an advertisement very effective? Do you think this is a bad thing or a good thing for the society? v.2

Successful companies use advertisement to make more sales. What can make an advertisement very effective? Do you think this is a bad thing or a good thing for the society? v. 2
In the technology world nowadays, more and more people are concerned about the knowledge of many languages. Thus, some people have the opinion that children should be stimulated to understand different languages. However, there are some people argue that children shouldn’t approach non-native languages. In this text, I will show all of my thinking about these issues. On the one hand, learning foreign languages can cause bad consequences to adolescents. Some groups of researchers have proclaimed that speaking the native languages tends to give the user's expertise of those ones. Moreover, the key to success lies in quality, not quantity; rather than scrambling to learn five languages superficially, it seems more reasonable to excel in only one or two Shakespeares himself was said to know little Greek or Latin, both being prerequisite for scholarly and literary writings at the time, yet he utilized his mother tongue and imagination to create the most enduring works of literature which, even to this day, continue to endear English to many people. From my perspectives, I totally agree with the idea that learning various languages will make youngsters more successful in the future. Having knowledge of many languages can help children grant access to multicultural information, advanced technology, better employment prospects, etc. Furthermore, this will also broaden children’s insight into worldwide customs as well as cultures. Last but not least, the stock of English has always been high, with billions of learners all over the world. In conclusion, I restate my opinion that it is extremely necessary to know one or more foreign languages. On the other hand, I highly recommend that foreign language teaching programmes be developed and applied in education, especially at high schools and at an early age.
In the technology world nowadays, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concerned
about the knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be stimulated
to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
shouldn’t approach non-native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. In this text, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
all of my thinking about these issues.

On the one hand, learning foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
adolescents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
groups of researchers have proclaimed that speaking the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
tends to give the user's expertise of
This phrase is probably grammatically incorrect. Write "those" instead.
those ones
.
Moreover
, the key to success lies in quality, not quantity;
rather
than scrambling to learn five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
superficially
, it seems more reasonable to excel in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one or two
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shakespeares
himself
was said
to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
Greek or Latin, both being prerequisite for
scholarly
and literary writings at the time,
yet
he utilized his mother tongue and imagination to create the most enduring works of literature which, even to this day, continue to endear English to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

From my perspectives, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that learning various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
youngsters more successful in the future. Having knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grant access to multicultural information, advanced technology, better employment prospects, etc.
Furthermore
, this will
also
broaden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
insight into worldwide customs
as well
as cultures. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the stock of English has always been high, with billions of learners all over the world.

In conclusion
, I restate my opinion that it is
extremely
necessary to know one or more foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
On the other hand
, I
highly
recommend that foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
teaching
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
be developed
and applied in education,
especially
at high schools and at an early age.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Successful companies use advertisement to make more sales. What can make an advertisement very effective? Do you think this is a bad thing or a good thing for the society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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