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A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to red v.1

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. What can be done to red v. 1
Nowadays, TV and cinema have become a great source of entertainment. People of all ages find it interesting to spend their spare time on watching movies and TV serials. But teenagers get easily influenced by the actions shown in films. Most of the people think that violence shown in movies and other shows broadcast on television has bad impact on young people due to which violence in society also increased. I also agree with this statement and going to explain my views in following paragraphs. Youngsters are fond of watching action movies and try to copy the stunts performed by their favorite heroes like driving cars at high speed on busy roads, performing bike stunts on roads and they may met with an accident and also cause damage to others. Beside that, watching movies in which actors rob the banks, adults tried to do such tactics in real life and when they get caught, in order to save themselves they harm others or even may take life of innocents. Moreover, young people find their favorite stars cool while smoking, drinking and harassing the women. They also started doing such evil activities and it becomes their habit to drink and smoke and when they are not in their senses, they indulge in anti-social activities like fights, accidents, women-harassment, rapes etcetera. In films and serials, it has shown how villains take revenge from a girl when she says no to him by throwing acid on her, by threatening her to cause damage to her family members and by passing comments on her. Adults also adopt such ways to treat a girl and sometimes, girls get too much disturbed that they commit suicide. There is a great need of controlling such emerging violence. It is the prime responsibility of parents that they can teach their children that theater and TV shows are just source of entertainment. Moreover, it is also a responsibility for the movie makers to state at the start and end of movie that stunts are performed under supervised conditions or by experts and do not follow them in real life. They also make it clear that smoking and drinking is injurious to health. Beside that, government should ban movies in which extreme level of violence is shown. In conclusion, I would like to say that youngsters do not have grown minds, they are not able to differentiate between good and bad. So, it should be the responsibility to parents to make their children aware so that they do not have to suffer from great loss. Beside that, film-makers and government alsotake this as their responsibility for the welfare of citizens and to maintain peace in society.
Nowadays, TV and cinema have become a great source of entertainment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of all ages find it interesting to spend their spare time on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and TV serials.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
influenced by the actions shown in films. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
shown in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
broadcast on television has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in society
also
increased. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my views
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
in


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
following
paragraphs.

Youngsters are fond of watching action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and try to copy the stunts performed by their favorite heroes like driving cars at high speed on busy roads, performing bike stunts on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
roads and
they may
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "meet"
met
with an accident and
also
cause damage to others. Beside that, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in which actors rob the banks, adults tried to do such tactics in real life and when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught, in order to save themselves they harm others or even may take life of innocents.
Moreover
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find their favorite stars cool while smoking, drinking and harassing the women. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
doing such evil activities and it becomes their habit to drink and smoke and when they are not in their senses, they indulge in anti-social activities like fights, accidents, women-harassment, rapes etcetera. In films and serials, it has shown how villains take revenge from a girl when she says no to him by throwing acid on her, by threatening her to cause damage to her family members and by passing comments on her. Adults
also
adopt such ways to treat a girl and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
too much disturbed that they commit suicide.

There is a great need of controlling such emerging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. It is the prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of parents that they can teach their children that theater and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
source of entertainment.
Moreover
, it is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
makers to state at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
that stunts
are performed
under supervised conditions or by experts and do not follow them in real life. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that smoking and drinking is injurious to health. Beside that,

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in which extreme level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is shown
.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that youngsters do not have grown minds, they are not able to differentiate between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it should be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their children aware
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from great loss. Beside that, film-makers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible spelling mistake found.
alsotake
this as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
for the welfare of citizens and to maintain peace in society.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. What can be done to red v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
446 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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