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Nowadays, it seems that people tend to waste a great amount of food. WHY do you think this is happening? HOW can we solve this problem? v.3

Nowadays, it seems that people tend to waste a great amount of food. WHY do you think this is happening? HOW can we solve this problem? v. 3
Some people argue that the authority revenue from taxes is needed to be used only in healthcare; however, a few people are opposed to this statement and think that this cash should implement in different areas. From my point of view, the state has to decide which part demands the more investment is vital. On the one hand, tax payer's earnings have to be applicable in medical care. This is because, the country's most prominent sector is a hospital where every day a thousand of people come and get treatments for their illness. This sector is required more fund for using the high technology to identify maladies in the human’s body and give proper medications. Additionally, there are many ailments that have infected individual’s organs that sometimes lead to a plague. For instance, recent epidemic disease Coronavirus is now life threatening infection which killed and infected many people in China. Consequently, if the Chinese state puts more finance on the research of this virus this not only helps people but will also improve the advancement of medical science. On the other hand, tax payer’s profit should use in other sectors. A country’s economy depends on the financial, educational and technological progress, and these sectors assisted economic growth. Particularly, if state authority spends this funds on technology and education, the gross national income will increase; moreover, this will influence on whole nations regarding the way of life. For example, when people get free education, the illiterate rate will slump. Recent research has shown that 70% of world populations are now getting an elementary education which led to solve many problems such as crime, unemployment. In conclusion, tax pay can be used not only in the healthcare but in a variety of areas. In my opinion, government knows which sector is more important to invest this money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the authority revenue from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
is needed
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in healthcare;
however
, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are opposed
to this statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this cash should implement in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas. From my point of view, the state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
decide which part demands the more investment is vital.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
payer's earnings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be applicable in medical care. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the country's most prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is a hospital where every day a thousand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
treatments for their illness. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is required
more fund for using the high technology to identify maladies in the human’s body and give proper medications.
Additionally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ailments that have infected individual’s organs that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lead to a plague.
For instance
, recent epidemic disease Coronavirus is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
life threatening infection which killed and infected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in China.
Consequently
, if the Chinese state puts more finance on the research of this virus this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the advancement of medical science.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
payer’s profit should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
. A country’s economy depends on the financial, educational and technological progress, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
assisted economic growth.
Particularly
, if state authority spends this funds on technology and education, the gross national income will increase;
moreover
, this will influence on whole nations regarding the way of life.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free education, the illiterate rate will slump. Recent research has shown that 70% of world populations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
getting an elementary education which led to solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems such as crime, unemployment.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
pay can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the healthcare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a variety of areas. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
knows which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to invest this money.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, it seems that people tend to waste a great amount of food. WHY do you think this is happening? HOW can we solve this problem? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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