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There seems to be increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent many people believe that the other measures will be needed. Discuss both sides and give your opinion v.1

There seems to be increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent many people believe that the other measures will be needed. 1
Burgeoning crime rate is one of the most significant concerns among all the nations on the planet. Therefore, some people view death penalty as the most suitable punishment for the law offenders whereas, other people state that other measures if implicated would be more fruitful. In my view, death penalty for the law breakers is not appropriate all the time, it is applicable esoterically and other measures should be employed to manage this menace. Undeniably, capital punishment seems to be a decisive perspective, as a result of it’s enforcement there would be fear among the citizens who do not abide to the law. This would result in establishment of complete law and order in the state. For instance, United Arab Emirates is such a continent where the crime rate is less than one percent, since last 50 years as they have been using the death sentences as their main punitive approach. If such strong measures are not employed, then it would become intricative to alleviate the crime issues. On the other hand, in some people’s view other methods of enforcing the law through lofty fines or forced social work are more conducive approaches for tackling the law offenses. This is because, for a traffic violation, capital statement seems to be irrational whereas, fines and forced social work could be more fruitful in terms of diminishing the traffic offenses. For example, this approach has been cardinally successful in the developed countries such as UK, Canada and USA where judges prefer to imply law through such aforementioned measures as compared to rigorous approaches. In conclusion, in my opinion, death penalty is not appropriate for every offense. Hence, other approaches such as fines and community services seems to be more viable and promising for the betterment of the society and tackling the crime rate.
Burgeoning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is one of the most significant concerns among all the nations on the planet.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
view death penalty as the most suitable punishment for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
offenders whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
if implicated would be more fruitful. In my view, death penalty for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
breakers is not appropriate all the time, it is applicable
esoterically
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
should
be employed
to manage this menace.

Undeniably
, capital punishment seems to be a decisive perspective,
as a result
Did you mean "of its enforcement"?
of it’s enforcement
there would be fear among the citizens who do not abide to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
. This would result in establishment of complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
and order in the state.
For instance
, United Arab Emirates is such a continent where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is less than one percent, since last 50 years as they have been using the death sentences as their main punitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
. If such strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
are not employed, then it would become
Possible spelling mistake found.
intricative
to alleviate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
issues.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods of enforcing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
through lofty fines or forced social work are more conducive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
for tackling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
offenses. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, for a traffic violation, capital statement seems to be irrational whereas, fines and forced social work could be more fruitful in terms of diminishing the traffic offenses.
For example
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
has been
cardinally
successful in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as UK, Canada and USA where judges prefer to imply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
through such aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
as compared to rigorous approaches.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, death penalty is not appropriate for every offense.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
such as fines and community services seems to be more viable and promising for the betterment of the society and tackling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay There seems to be increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent many people believe that the other measures will be needed. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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