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There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes commited each year. While some think the best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measure will be needed. Discuss Both sides. v.1

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes commited each year. While some think the best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measure will be needed. v. 1
It is said that ' to err is to human' . Humans, by their very nature, are flawed, and crimes in our society are outcome of such flaws. The problem of serious crimes and measures to stop them is a complex problem. There are some who think corporal punishment such as death penalty can be used to stop serious crimes, many other disagree. On the one side, the idea of using death penalty to prevent serious crimes is tempting. The logic behind the notion is simple; perpetrators will be discouraged from committing a crime simply because of fear for their lives. Murderers, rapists, and others of their ilk, guilty of their crimes should be subjected to death penalty. This will not only cleanse society, but also serve as a precedent for others not to commit heinous crimes of similar nature. Nations like Saudi Arabia, where death penalty is given for despicable crimes, has lowest crime rate as compared to many other nations. On the other side, the idea of death penalty is ghastly one. Human life, in fact any form of life, is precious. Who are we to judge who lives and who dies for what crimes? Death penalty is not the answer to deter perpetrators. Other penalties such life sentence without parole, house arrest also might work. There are many nations, where death penalty is abolished, and yet serious crimes are low: For example, Bhutan. Perhaps we should study and implement similar measures instead of death penalty. Finally, serious crimes were prevalent in our society in the past and they will be in the future. Consequently, there will be many ideologies on how to deal with this issue. We, as a society, have the responsibility to come up with better ways to deal with this and progress forward, and not backward.
It
is said
that ' to err is to
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human&
#039;
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.
Humans, by their
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very
nature,
are flawed
, and
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crimes
in our
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society
are outcome of such flaws. The problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them is a complex problem. There are
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some
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who
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think
corporal punishment such as death
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penalty
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
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serious
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crimes
,
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many
Possibly, a noun is missing after 'other'. Or do you mean "others"?
other
disagree.

On the one side, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of using death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
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serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is tempting. The logic behind the notion is simple; perpetrators will
be discouraged
from committing a
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crime
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of fear for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Murderers, rapists,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
of their ilk, guilty of their
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crimes
should
be subjected
to death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cleanse
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society
,
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but
also
serve as a precedent for others not to commit heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
of similar nature. Nations like Saudi Arabia, where death
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penalty
is
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given
for despicable
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crimes
, has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
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crime
rate as compared to
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is ghastly one. Human life, in fact any form of life, is precious.
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Who
are we to judge
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
for what
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crimes
? Death
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penalty
is not the answer to deter perpetrators.
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Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
such life sentence without parole,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
arrest
also
might work. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, where death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is abolished
, and
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are low:
For example
, Bhutan. Perhaps we should study and implement similar measures
instead
of death penalty.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
were prevalent in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
past and
they will be in the future.
Consequently
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ideologies on how to deal with this issue. We,

as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, have the responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with better ways to deal with this and progress forward, and not backward.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes commited each year. While some think the best way is to use death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measure will be needed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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