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Task -2Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they have married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both v.2

Task -2Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they have married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 2
Employees are often enquired of their private details, including their extracurricular activities and their marital status. Some consider this information unnecessary, while others take no offense to it. In my opinion, a company should only be entitled to information about the job requirement. On one hand, some professionals have no objection with regard to providing their personal information for a mandatory background check. It is a procedure essentially carried out to avoid frauds and malpractices of any kind. Personal data is collected to redeem private benefits, for example, a company may sponsor a holiday for an efficient performer and his family. Verification of personal information to make sure their authenticity enables an organization to choose the most suitable candidates. On the other hand, a majority of the working class consider submitting queries about themselves, as privacy is intruded. Companies must also sign a privacy contract to safeguard their employees from any threat. They opine that such information creates a biased attitude among an organization. This is unhealthy for a good work environment. For instance, a colleague could be disrespectful towards his subordinate on knowing his unfortunate family background. In my view, employees must coöperate with their work authority and follow rules that ensure their safety and offer other employee benefits. I believe there is a distinction between personal and professional life. Opportunities are created if the organization is aware of the capabilities and talents its workforce possesses. A good example could be of organizations, annually felicitated the extraordinary performers and create a platform for others to exhibit their hobbies. A successful organization will always focus on the pertinent skill required to function smoothly and follow a good work ethic.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquired' is British English.
enquired
of their private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, including their extracurricular activities and their marital status.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
consider this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
unnecessary, while others take no offense to it. In my opinion, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be entitled
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the job requirement.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professionals have no objection with regard to providing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for a mandatory background
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
. It is a procedure
essentially
carried out to avoid frauds and malpractices of any kind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Personal
data
is collected
to redeem private benefits,
for example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
may sponsor a holiday for an efficient performer and his family. Verification of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure their authenticity enables an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
to choose the most suitable candidates.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, a majority of the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
consider submitting queries about themselves, as privacy
is intruded
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
a privacy contract to safeguard their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
from any threat. They opine that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
creates a biased attitude among an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
. This is unhealthy for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work environment.
For instance
, a colleague could be disrespectful towards his subordinate on knowing his unfortunate family background.

In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Possible spelling mistake found.
coöperate
with their work authority and follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that ensure their safety and offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
benefits. I believe there is a distinction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
and professional life. Opportunities
are created
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
is aware of the capabilities and talents its workforce possesses. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example could be of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
,
annually
felicitated the extraordinary performers and create a platform for others to exhibit their hobbies.

A successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
will always focus on the pertinent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
required to function
smoothly
and follow a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work ethic.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Task -2Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they have married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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