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Agree or Disagree with the following statementTelevision advertising directed toward young children (ages 2 to 5) should be prohibited. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

Agree or Disagree with the following statementTelevision advertising directed toward young children (ages 2 to 5) should be prohibited. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
I agree with the statement, that television advertising toward children under the age 5 should not be allowed. Indeed, the advertisements are the best way for the vendors to reach their customers, to advertise their products and to increase their economy growth. But the question is, What happens when they target younger kids under age 5, Who is responsible for the consequences? . These are explained in the following essay. Young children are the ones who have the potential to learn and grasp everything fast. They don' t have the ability to rely on something or to make a judgement whether it is good or bad. With this ability as a quick learner, they imitate the things they see. For instance, My cousin was 3 year old, he saw an advertisement which shows the kid flying after he had an energy drink. Out of curiosity, he also drank the drink and dropped from the first floor of the building assuming he would fly. Immediately, he dropped down and went for an emergency situation. Hence, targeting young kids should be prohibited. Indeed, the advertisement companies should prohibit targeting young children. Additionally, the parents also should take care of their children. By only prohibiting the Advertising will resolve the problem, the children can gather knowledge through a lots of resources like Mobile phones, Wall posters etc. So, it is not only the Television advertisement companies to blame. Moreover, it is the responsibility of parents to watch over their kids every minute. By showing selected advertisements will reduce the impact of advertisement over children. To sum it up, Television advertisement added with parents responsibility will cut the bad effects on children.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, that television advertising toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under the age 5 should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
.
Indeed
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are the best way for the vendors to reach their customers, to advertise their products and to increase their economy growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the question is, What happens when they target younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
under age 5, Who is responsible for the consequences?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
These are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following essay.

Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the ones who have the potential to learn and grasp everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have the ability to rely on something or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a judgement whether it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. With this ability as a quick learner, they imitate the things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
For instance
, My cousin was 3 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
flying after he had an energy drink. Out of curiosity, he
also
drank the drink and dropped from the
first
floor of the building assuming he would
fly
. Immediately, he
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
and went for an emergency situation.
Hence
, targeting young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should
be prohibited
.

Indeed
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should prohibit targeting young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Additionally
, the parents
also
should take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. By
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prohibiting the Advertising will resolve the problem, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can gather knowledge through
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of resources like Mobile phones, Wall posters etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to blame.
Moreover
, it is the responsibility of parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
every minute. By showing selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
over children.

To sum it up, Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
with parents responsibility will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree or Disagree with the following statementTelevision advertising directed toward young children (ages 2 to 5) should be prohibited. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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