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Many individuals believe that taking ample rest and sleeping in their free time are the best ways to relax their bodies. On the other hand some argue that inculcating in extra-circular activities like outdoor games makes them feel refreshed. Do you agree o v.2

Many individuals believe that taking ample rest and sleeping in their free time are the best ways to relax their bodies. On the other hand some argue that inculcating in extra-circular activities like outdoor games makes them feel refreshed. Do you agree o v. 2
Many individuals believe that taking ample rest and sleeping in their free time are the best ways to relax their bodies. On the other hand some argue that inculcating in extra-circular activities like outdoor games makes them feel refreshed. In my opinion, I strongly agree that activities like sports and games rejuvenate our body and mind. Nowadays in this busy schedule, everyone are mostly spending their time in their workplace and they get some leisure time rarely; Moreover, some choose to relax their body by taking a nap just to relieve from stress. Sometimes this makes them to become lazy and tends to opt for sleep when they get some time. In a recent study, it is proven that most of the men choose to fall asleep at times they feel bored with their work. Due to the changes in of lifestyle and unhealthy food habits, most of the us are prone to perilous health conditions. In this regard it is majorly important to lead a fit and clean life; however, playing games like football, badminton etc. not only keeps us fit but also, improves our well-being. For example, a person who plays badminton for a hour a day is more healthier and pressure free than a person who sleeps 8 hours per day. Hence, this shows that it is vital for each individual to invest some time in sports rather than sleeping. In conclusion, I recommend that to deal with day-to-day stress and pressure at workplace or even at study environment it is highly important for each one to involve in extracurricular activities which balances their life. Finally, sufficient amount of time is required for everyone everyday for their recreation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals believe that taking ample rest and sleeping in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are the best ways to relax their bodies.
On the other hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that inculcating in extra-circular activities like outdoor games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel refreshed. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that activities like sports and games rejuvenate our body and mind.

Nowadays in this busy schedule, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
mostly
spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workplace and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
rarely;
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
choose to relax their body by taking a nap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to relieve from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to become lazy and tends to opt for sleep when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In a recent study, it
is proven
that most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
choose to fall asleep at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
they feel bored with their work.

Due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in of lifestyle and unhealthy food habits, most of
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "us"?
the us
are prone to perilous health conditions. In this regard it is
majorly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to lead a fit and clean life;
however
, playing games like football, badminton etc. not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
us fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our well-being.
For example
, a person who plays badminton for
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
hour a day is
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
and pressure free than a person who sleeps 8 hours per day.
Hence
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that it is vital for each individual to invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in sports
rather
than sleeping.

In conclusion
, I recommend that to deal with day-to-day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure at workplace or even at study environment it is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for each one to involve in extracurricular activities which balances their life.
Finally
, sufficient amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is required
for everyone
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
for their recreation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many individuals believe that taking ample rest and sleeping in their free time are the best ways to relax their bodies. On the other hand some argue that inculcating in extra-circular activities like outdoor games makes them feel refreshed. Do you agree o v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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