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There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some people think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measure will be needed. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.5

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some people think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measure will be needed. v. 5
In the contemporary world, It is often argued that universities should invest the equal amount of money to student's sport activities as a majority of colleges allocate to their libraries. I strongly agree with this statement that physical exercises help tremendously student's mental health and good physical. First and foremost, sports can develop student's good physical and mental health. For instance, when I was a student, we had gym classes every morning in order to improve our concentration for studies. Moreover, students can get rid of stress from regular projects and exams owing to the exercises on a daily basis. Therefore, educational institutions should enrich sport centres, facilities, and fitness equipment the same as the development of the libraries. Another point to consider is that some athletes in a university spend the most of time in the gym. They need to practice to improve their abilities and skills. If schools do not allocate money to invest those sports areas, then they would give up their dreams to achieve goals in a competition because of the lack of spaces. Furthermore, although many students study and dedicate in the library, we cannot ignore the university athletes who are also one of the school students. In conclusion, sports are not only the most essential for students to build their talents, but also they are able to keep staying healthy and relieve stress from the busy life in the school. I completely believe that schools must invest the same amount of expenses for sports activities as the libraries.
In the contemporary world, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that universities should invest the equal amount of money to student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities as a majority of colleges allocate to their libraries. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that physical exercises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
tremendously
student's mental health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can develop student's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical and mental health.
For instance
, when I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, we had gym classes every morning in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our concentration for studies.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from regular projects and exams owing to the exercises on a daily basis.
Therefore
, educational institutions should enrich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, facilities, and fitness equipment the same as the development of the libraries.

Another point to consider is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
athletes in a university spend the
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
in the gym. They need to practice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their abilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not allocate money to invest those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
areas, then they would give up their dreams to achieve goals in a competition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of spaces.
Furthermore
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
study and dedicate in the library, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the university athletes who are
also
one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the most essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to build their talents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
staying healthy and relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from the busy life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I completely believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest the same amount of expenses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities as the libraries.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some people think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measure will be needed. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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