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There is no need to go out to see live cinema because it is better to see them on the TV or computer screen Do you agree or disagree v.1

There is no need to go out to see live cinema because it is better to see them on the TV or computer screen v. 1
In this modern world, it is observed by some politicians and health authorities that females are more capable of caring the necessity of children. In this context, it is advised that the mothers’ aim should be raising children instead of focusing on the career. I partially support this argument and this essay will highlight the key features of this statement. First of all, since the beginning of humanity, caring babies is under women’ responsibility. Moreover, due to gender equality in the work environment, this role has started to shift from women to men. However, the genetic background of men is based on hunting, which means “working” in the modern world, to care for the whole family. Furthermore, all babies have been fed with breast milk first 2 years, because of that, it cements the bond between a mother and a baby, also it allows babies to listen only to their mothers. Furthermore, as per academic research published by WHO, it states that the children caring by only mothers are more successful throughout the educational life and also professional life. That is the solid reason why women’ first preference should be raising a child instead of a career. On the other hand, in this contemporary world, the equality between genders has become a vital importance in order to increase efficiency and productivity in most of the industries. In other words, if only men involved in the business, the point of view of the process of the doing works always will maintain its position and it would avoid the improvement of innovation and profitability. For instance, if we focus on marketing sector, it could be clearly seen that women’s views and their selling strategies are unusual and accomplished. In spite of the fact that the majority of the staffs in the marketing sector are men, the decision-makers are mainly women. Also, while half of the population is female, why should not they involve in a working environment? In conclusion, in the light of information given above, I agree that the women are entitled to care the child at least until children's school age, but on the other hand, it should not be forgotten that most of the developed countries’ prime minister are women and they have achieved significant achievements.
In this modern world, it
is observed
by
some
politicians and health authorities that females are more capable of caring the necessity of children. In this context, it
is advised
that the mothers’ aim should be raising children
instead
of focusing on the career. I
partially
support this argument and this essay will highlight the key features of this statement.

First of all
, since the beginning of humanity, caring
babies
is under
women’
responsibility.
Moreover
, due to gender equality in the work environment, this role has
started
to shift from
women
to
men
.
However
, the genetic background of
men
is based
on hunting, which means “working” in the modern world, to care for the whole family.
Furthermore
, all
babies
have
been fed
with breast milk
first
2 years,
because
of that, it cements the bond between a
mother
and a baby,
also
it
allows
babies
to listen
only
to their mothers.
Furthermore
, as per academic research published by
WHO
, it states that the children caring by
only
mothers are more successful throughout the educational life and
also
professional life.
That is
the solid reason why
women’
first
preference should be raising a child
instead
of a career.

On the other hand
, in this contemporary world, the equality between genders has become a vital importance in order to increase efficiency and productivity in most of the industries.
In other words
, if
only
men
involved in the business, the point of view of the process of the doing works
always will maintain
its position and it would avoid the improvement of innovation and profitability.
For instance
, if we focus on marketing sector, it could be
clearly
seen
that
women’s
views and their selling strategies are unusual and accomplished.
In spite of
the fact that the majority of the staffs in the marketing sector are
men
, the decision-makers are
mainly
women
.
Also
, while half of the population is female, why should not they involve in a working environment?

In conclusion
, in the light of information
given
above, I
agree
that the
women
are entitled
to care the child at least until children's school age,
but
on the other hand
, it should not
be forgotten
that most of the
developed countries
’ prime minister are
women and
they have achieved significant achievements.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay There is no need to go out to see live cinema because it is better to see them on the TV or computer screen v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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