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There is no need to go out to see live cinema because it is better to see them on the TV or computer screen Do you agree or disagree v.2

There is no need to go out to see live cinema because it is better to see them on the TV or computer screen v. 2
An emerging trend that has generated a widespread phenomenon in the entertainment industry is watching movies at home. Taking all the convenience into account, I am inclined to believe that watching movies on personal screens is much better than seeing the staged performances. Not only will watching movie at home help us to save our precious time, but it can also be a private area to enjoy TV series. To look at the entertainment aspect, the most important factor to consider is the daily form of recreation. If a person is using some private applications, or browsing websites while relaxing against some pillows with the TV playing in the background, instead of uncomfortable going direct to the social cinema, it will be one of the best options for their budget. Such forms of entertainment, moreover, will create a private space for us to watch wonderful movies without irritating others intensely. Another point that needs to be taken into consideration is that the more people are around, the more bad emotional feelings we will get. Even though it is true that we always find confidence and truly happy whenever we can gather with friends or family members, which can be ruined while watching in the social cinema with strangers. In order to avoid this situation, all we need to do is be on our own, find a great TV show and relax. With that being said, however, everything always has its defective sides and it is pretty true on home-movie watching. What really makes the audience truly bored with the film is a distraction. For example, assuming a person is watching his favourite movie, he might be momentarily distracted by social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram or even the notification of messages which is pretty unpleasant. Due to the fact that watching movies in our private area can affect negatively our routine, we might be immersed in blockbuster movies or TV series and be lazy. In addition, the blue light of computer screens will cause some contemporary symptoms such as eye strain, blur vision or headache. In conclusion, watching the movie is on the rise, and watching movies on computer trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to our self and the others. Moderation is the key to maintain balance and solve these problems effectively.
An emerging trend that has generated a widespread phenomenon in the entertainment industry is watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home. Taking all the convenience into account, I
am inclined
to believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on personal screens is much better than seeing the staged performances. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "watch"
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to save our precious time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
area to enjoy TV series.

To look at the entertainment aspect, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to consider is the daily form of recreation. If a person is using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
applications, or browsing websites while relaxing against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pillows with the TV playing in the background,
instead
of uncomfortable going direct to the social cinema, it will be one of the best options for their budget. Such forms of entertainment,
moreover
, will create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
space for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
without irritating others
intensely
. Another point that needs to
be taken
into consideration is that the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are around, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
emotional feelings we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
Even though
it is true that we always find confidence and
truly
happy whenever we can gather with friends or family members, which can
be ruined
while watching in the social cinema with strangers. In order to avoid this situation, all we need to do is be on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, find a great TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and relax.

With that
being said
,
however
, everything always has its defective sides and it is pretty true on home-movie watching. What
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the audience
truly
bored with the film is a distraction.
For example
, assuming a person is watching his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
, he might be
momentarily
distracted by social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram or even the notification of messages which is pretty unpleasant. Due to the fact that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
area can affect
negatively
our routine, we might
be immersed
in blockbuster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or TV series and be lazy.
In addition
, the blue light of computer screens will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contemporary symptoms such as eye strain, blur vision or headache.

In conclusion
, watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
is on the rise, and watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on computer trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to our self and the others. Moderation is the key to maintain balance and solve these problems
effectively
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay There is no need to go out to see live cinema because it is better to see them on the TV or computer screen v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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