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It is better to go out for a live performance (a show or concert) than stay at home watching TV or using the computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree

There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert. . . ) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. v. 1
A number of people are interested in watching live shows and other's are interested to in home with the help of technology and internet they watch in telivision and home computers. In my opinion, i think live shows is more interested then watching in home. To begin with, live shows are joyfull shows by wacthing live shows or concert in a stadium or a theatre feeling is different we can't get this kind of vibes in our homes. This is because, in live shows people can dances and do some performance infront of the unknown persons consequently gives a new kind feelings and also in theatre peoples concentrate level is different than in homes that's why people can enjoy more in live show's. For instance, while watching cricket in stadium with different kind people they can forget themself and also shouting stadium with other people also gives some relaxation to our brain. Thus, in live we can performance better then in homes and also enjoyment is different when compared to home watching. On the other side, some other people says that in home we can watch exact visuals and performances also on the contrary we can't watch all the angles of the performaces in live shows. The reason is, crowd is very in live shows and also disturbens level also very high in live shows but i think that is the enjoyment due to the fact people are spend a plethora amount of time infront of the computers and television some times people should come outside and wacth the real world. For example, in live show their will be 10, 000 people with us in theatre but in home just only 5 to 10 people enjoyment level is different to both shows. As a result, people should come outside some times when comes to live shows the feelings and vibes are different. In conclusion, I think people should go with live shows performances only rather than watching in homes.
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
other's
are interested
to in home with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology and internet they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
telivision
and home computers. In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
is more interested
Did you mean "than"?
then
watching in home.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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live
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shows
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
joyfull
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shows
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
wacthing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
or concert in a stadium or a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
feeling is
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different
we can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this kind of vibes in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can dances and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
Possible spelling mistake found.
infront
of the unknown persons
consequently
gives a new kind feelings and
also
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
concentrate level is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
in
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homes
that's why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
's.
For instance
, while watching cricket in stadium with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they can forget
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
and
also
shouting stadium with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relaxation to our brain.
Thus
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
Did you mean "better than"?
better then
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and
also
enjoyment is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
when compared to home watching.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
says
that in home we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
exact visuals and
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performances
also
on the contrary
we can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
all the angles of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
performaces
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
. The reason is, crowd is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
in
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live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
disturbens
level
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
the enjoyment due to the fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spend a plethora amount of time
Possible spelling mistake found.
infront
of the computers and television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
outside and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wacth
the real world.
For example
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
their will be 10, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with us in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5 to 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoyment level is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
As a result
,
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people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
outside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
the feelings and vibes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rather
than watching in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
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Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay It is better to go out for a live performance (a show or concert) than stay at home watching TV or using the computer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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