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There is no need to go out to see live performance because it is better to see them on the TV or computer screen Do you agree or disagree v.1

There is no need to go out to see live performance because it is better to see them on the TV or computer screen v. 1
It has been recently observed that the majority of people have started moving to various career choices, instead of sticking to their age old professions. With the advent of westernization, many have shifted their inclination towards the industrial and technical sectors, which has indeed left its impact, in either way. This essay will discuss the reason why most individuals prefer shifting their careers, followed by its effects. There are myriad of causes behind altering one's profession in today's time. First and foremost being, the development which is taking place at a rapid speed in most sectors. People from rural areas are relocating to cities, hoping a better lifestyle, leaving behind their traditional jobs. Another most compelling factor for career shift is education. With the higher number of educated populace, preference of white collar jobs has increased to a great extent. Luring pay-checks cannot be ignored, while considering the entire occupation shift. Albeit, every major change brings with it, its impact. My opinion lies somewhere in the middle, as moving to a different profession, deeming the need of the hour, is a sensible choice. At the same time, forgetting the traditional occupation altogether, simply because of its physically demanding nature, is in itself a negative development of the entire society. For example, today, the young generation is hardly inclined to work in the agricultural sector, despite the enormous developments. To conclude, multiple factors have contributed towards the changes which societies are witnessing now. Altering careers in once life is entirely a personal choice, yet governments must device some strategies to promote the basic professions and try to inculcate interest in them.
It has been recently observed that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
moving to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
choices,
instead
of sticking to their age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
. With the advent of
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some nouns that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Westernization".
westernization
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have shifted their inclination towards the industrial and technical sectors, which has
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
its impact, in either way. This essay will discuss the reason why most individuals prefer shifting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
, followed by its effects.

There are myriad of causes behind altering one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's time.
First
and foremost being, the development which is taking place at a rapid speed in most sectors.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from rural areas are relocating to cities, hoping a better lifestyle, leaving behind their traditional jobs. Another most compelling factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
shift is education. With the higher number of educated populace, preference of white collar jobs has increased to a great extent. Luring pay-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
, while considering the entire occupation shift.

Albeit, every major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
brings with it, its impact. My opinion lies somewhere in the middle, as moving to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
, deeming the need of the hour, is a sensible choice. At the same time, forgetting the traditional occupation altogether,
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
physically
demanding nature, is in itself a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development of the entire society.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, the young generation is hardly inclined to work in the agricultural sector, despite the enormous developments.

To conclude
, multiple factors have contributed towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which societies are witnessing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Altering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
in once life is
entirely
a personal choice,
yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
device
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategies to promote the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
and try to inculcate interest in them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay There is no need to go out to see live performance because it is better to see them on the TV or computer screen v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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