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There is less social contact between young and old. What are the reasons? What measures can be taken? v.1

There is less social contact between young and old. What are the reasons? What measures can be taken? v. 1
In the contemporary world, most of the youngsters are very much attached to technology and other sorts of gadgets full time, detaching them from their family and senior members. Following essay will discuss reasons for this detachment and possible measures which can be taken to diminish this situation to build the bond in between younger and older members in the family. To begin with, advancements in technology introduced many electronic gadgets and these are the main reason for less interaction between young and old. For instance, juniors are spending their leisure times interacting with smart phones and video games, these equipments make them addictive for these channels which they forget about their parents and other senior members. Furthermore, they value the virtual relationships more which they are building through the internet and social media sites than the real relationships, this could bring them detrimental impacts to their lives. For example, juvenile delinquency is on the rise because of fake virtual connections. In addition, due to the busy lives of senior family members, they don't have much time to spend with their youngsters, which of course pushing away them more. However, there are various steps that can be taken to mitigate this situation. Firstly, parents and other seniors should take necessary actions to increase spending a quality time with their offsprings, so they will start to admire and interact more with them instead of their computer games. In conclusion, thes days due to technological advancements, young and old are maintining a less interaction with each other. Therefore, family members should take necessary actions to inetract with their family more.
In the contemporary world, most of the youngsters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much attached to technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sorts of gadgets full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, detaching them from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. Following essay will discuss reasons for this detachment and possible measures which can
be taken
to diminish this situation to build the bond in between younger and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in the family.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, advancements in technology introduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
electronic gadgets and these are the main reason for less interaction between young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
For instance
, juniors are spending their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
interacting with smart phones and video games, these equipments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them addictive for these channels which they forget about their parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Furthermore
, they value the virtual relationships more which they are building through the internet and social media sites than the real relationships, this could bring them detrimental impacts to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, juvenile delinquency is on the rise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of fake virtual connections.
In addition
, due to the busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, they don't have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their youngsters, which
of course
pushing away them more.

However
, there are various steps that can
be taken
to mitigate this situation.
Firstly
, parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
should take necessary actions to increase spending a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to admire and interact more with them
instead
of their computer games.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thes
days due to technological advancements, young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
maintining
a less interaction with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
should take necessary actions to
Possible spelling mistake found.
inetract
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
more.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay There is less social contact between young and old. What are the reasons? What measures can be taken? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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