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Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. v. 1
Technology inventions has been mushrooming especially in the Twenty-first century. Some people argue that by using technology dependent devices people will be less active while, others think that it's actually improving accessibility and other handy guide for their daily life. However, I completely agree that, people will be detrimentally affected by them. People believe that there are a variety of health issues may come with the usage of technology devices such as mobiles, laptops, and tabs. Firstly, the brain functionality will be decreased over a period of time, since they are not actually remembering anything and completely dependent on the devices which they possessed. If this effect continues for about more than a decade the humans ultimately will lose their memory power and its result to incognizance. In a recent survey by the London University students, when they considered the various factors including age groups, professions, and the percentage of their daily usage of the mobile devices. It draw a conclusion saying that, people who are using mobile phones their memory consumption is only about 2 percentage on an average, but without their software devices, their usage is up to 4%. Despite the typical health concerns and other memory consumptions issues, with those devices, people feel that, entire world is in their hand since they are able to operate and able to access anything over the internet. Irrespective of age groups, people are extensively using the technology driven devices. In addition to that, people are more interactive in terms of social networking websites, for instance like Facebook and Twitter. Now-a-days almost every person hold at least one such device and it's required too. To conclude, this essay discussed the various health issues and other consequences of the sophisticated modern devices, But, by taking consideration of today's life style, people are highly dependent on those devices and necesary to use them as per their requirements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
inventions has been mushrooming
especially
in the Twenty-
first
century.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
dependent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be less active while, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it's actually improving accessibility and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
handy guide for their daily life.
However
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
detrimentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by them.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
believe that there are a variety of health issues may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
such as mobiles, laptops, and tabs.
Firstly
, the brain functionality will
be decreased
over a period of time, since they are not actually remembering anything and completely dependent on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
which they possessed. If this effect continues for about more than a decade the humans
ultimately
will lose their memory power and its result to
Possible spelling mistake found.
incognizance
. In a recent survey by the London University students, when they considered the various factors including age groups, professions, and the percentage of their daily usage of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. It
Did you mean "draws"?
draw
a conclusion saying that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are using mobile phones their memory consumption is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 2 percentage on an average,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without their software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, their usage is up to 4%.

Despite the typical health concerns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
memory
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
issues, with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that, entire world is in their hand since they are able to operate and able to access anything over the internet. Irrespective of age groups,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
extensively
using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
driven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more interactive in terms of social networking websites,
for instance
like Facebook and Twitter.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-a-days almost every person hold at least one such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
and it's required too.

To conclude
, this essay discussed the various health issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
consequences of the sophisticated modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, by taking consideration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's life style,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
highly
dependent on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
necesary
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them as per their requirements
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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