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In many societies, there is less social contact between the elderly and the young. What are the reasons and what measures can be taken? v.2

In many societies, there is less social contact between the elderly and the young. What are the reasons and what measures can be taken? v. 2
Some people think that it brings more frowns than smiles, in terms of the alleged health, social and technical concerns that is device might cause. Nonetheless, I completely disagree, and I am stating the reasons behind my opposition below. Unarguably, the advent and development of this small gadget have brought about many blessings. Moreover, one of these undeniable benefits that it has shortened the distance greatly between the people and their far away loved ones, instead of sending mail through the postal service and wait a very long time depending on the distance to get a response. additionally, the recent cutting edge development of the cellular mobile has made it a crucial part of the mundane life, for instance, if you want to call a cap you could call an UBER through your phone or the ambulance in a case of emergency. Another example for the daily use of the mobile is the recording of either video or audio data, for further elaboration university students benefit the most as the cell phone cater to their every need like preparing for their daily schedule or taking notes in class. Therefore the blessings far outweigh the downsides in this matter. Nevertheless, like anything in life, it has some disadvantages. Interestingly, it helped the digital interactions and communications, yet, it impaired the physical one, and it might help in the further withdrawal of some predisposed individual from the real world. in addition to playing a major role in distracting students and might aid in the procrastination of stacked work. To sum up, cell phones is a double edged sword if not used responsibly it might cause more harm than good.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it brings more frowns than smiles, in terms of the alleged health, social and technical concerns
that is
device
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
cause. Nonetheless, I completely disagree, and I am stating the reasons behind my opposition below.

Unarguably
, the advent and development of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
gadget have brought about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
blessings.
Moreover
, one of these undeniable benefits that it has shortened the distance
greatly
between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their far away
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones,
instead
of sending mail through the postal service and wait a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time depending on the distance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a response.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
additionally
, the recent cutting edge development of the cellular mobile has made it a crucial part of the mundane life,
for instance
, if you want to call a cap you could call an UBER through your phone or the ambulance in a case of emergency. Another example for the daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the mobile is the recording of either video or audio data, for
further
elaboration university students benefit the most as the cell phone cater to their every need like preparing for their daily schedule or taking notes in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the blessings far outweigh the downsides in this matter.

Nevertheless
, like anything in life, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
Interestingly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the digital interactions and communications,
yet
, it impaired the physical one, and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the
further
withdrawal of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
predisposed individual from the real world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
addition to playing a major role in distracting students and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
aid in the procrastination of stacked work.

To sum up, cell phones is a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
double edged
sword if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
responsibly
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
cause more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay In many societies, there is less social contact between the elderly and the young. What are the reasons and what measures can be taken? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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