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There is less communication between family members of late. Do you agree or disagree? To what extent do you agree? v.1

There is less communication between family members of late. v. 1
As electronic devices play an increasingly more central role in our lives, it has been suggested that there has been an unprecedented decline in interpersonal transmission not only with colleagues, business associates and close friends, but also with our immediate family. I completely agree with this assertion and, moreover, this is a worrying trend that looks set to continue. Even though face-to-face interactions are possibly at their lowest level ever, it would be foolish not to recognise the valuable role that advanced technology plays. Thanks to it, we can instantly get in touch with any individual or organisation, at the touch of a button, regardless of time zone or location. For example, we can follow what our friends have been doing through social media platforms as Facebook or Instagram, therefore, the rise in delivery via such methods cannot be underestimated. Nevertheless, this reduced contact with our own family is a disturbing byproduct of electronic contact, and could be attributed to the change in lifestyles, for the current generation. For instance, the previous generation worked in a regular system, and went home every day to eat and chat about their day with their families. The millennials, in stark contrast, are frequently employed as digital nomads, working irregular hours, and this lack of routine results in a result in a different way of life for our ancestors. Despite intelligence being an its highest level, in terms of quantity, the qualitative of this conversation is debatable. Social media updates should not replace personal contact with close family members and interactions should be encouraged by senior family members, by setting a good example for children, such as not using gadgets at the dinner table and instead trying to engage with their offspring in more meaningful ways.
As electronic devices play an
increasingly
more central role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it has
been suggested
that there has been an unprecedented decline in interpersonal transmission not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with colleagues, business associates and close friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with our immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this assertion and,
moreover
, this is a worrying trend that looks set to continue.

Even though
face-to-face interactions are
possibly
at their lowest level ever, it would be foolish not to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the valuable role that advanced technology plays. Thanks to it, we can
instantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with any individual or
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, at the touch of a button, regardless of time zone or location.
For example
, we can follow what our friends have been doing through social media platforms as Facebook or Instagram,
therefore
, the rise in delivery via such methods cannot
be underestimated
.

Nevertheless
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
contact with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a disturbing byproduct of electronic contact, and could
be attributed
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in lifestyles, for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation.
For instance
, the previous generation worked in a regular system, and went home every day to eat and chat about their day with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. The millennials, in stark contrast, are
frequently
employed as digital nomads, working irregular hours, and this lack of routine results in a result in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way of life for our ancestors.

Despite intelligence being
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "its highest" or "an highest"?
an its highest
level, in terms of quantity,
The phrase 'the qualitative of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the qualitative of
this conversation is debatable. Social media updates should not replace personal contact with close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and interactions should
be encouraged
by senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, by setting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for children, such as not using gadgets at the dinner table and
instead
trying to engage with their offspring in more meaningful ways.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay There is less communication between family members of late. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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