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Communication is less between family members of late. Do you agree or disagree? To what extent? v.2

Communication is less between family members of late. v. 2
Nowadays, it is believed that the conversation is becoming less between members of the family. In this essay, I would like to disagree with the given contention for the following reasons. To begin with, we are currently living in the age where everything is instant and convenient because of automation, and one of the major breakthrough of this innovation is telecommunication. Firstly, automation makes it easier and faster to communicate with our family, we have a text messaging system that is available in this era, wherein we can update our family as to our whereabouts. It will lessen their anxiety and provide ease. Secondly, we have the ability to communicate virtually with the use of social media apps, email and video calling, most especially our loved ones working overseas. With the use of a stable network connection or mobile data, we can conveniently connect with our families anytime, anywhere. Furthermore, conversation within each member of the family through face to face interaction is ageless and still practiced despite the advent of automation. For one thing, many people still rely on the advice of their loved ones, they make it a point to open up about their problems and anything that they want to share. Another thing, effective conversation is a skill that we imbibe from our forefathers and should be passed on in our future generation. I think that this a legacy that will never die out. In conclusion, I do not agree that communication within family members are becoming less for the reason that technology made it convenient and accessible to communicate. In addition, interaction within members of the family is a legacy that will never die out and should be passed on in the future generation.
Nowadays, it
is believed
that the conversation is becoming less between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In this essay, I would like to disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
contention for the following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we are
currently
living in the age where everything is instant and convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of automation, and one of the major breakthrough of this innovation is telecommunication.
Firstly
, automation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier and faster to communicate with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, we have a text messaging system
that is
available in this era, wherein we can update our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as to our whereabouts. It will lessen their anxiety and provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
Secondly
, we have the ability to communicate
virtually
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social media apps, email and video calling, most
especially
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
working overseas. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a stable network connection or mobile data, we can
conveniently
connect with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
anytime, anywhere.

Furthermore
, conversation within each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
through face to face interaction is ageless and
still
practiced despite the advent of automation. For one thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
rely on the advice of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a point to open up about their problems and anything that they want to share. Another thing, effective conversation is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that we imbibe from our forefathers and should
be passed
on in our future generation. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this a legacy that will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out.

In conclusion
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that communication within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are becoming less for the reason that technology made it convenient and accessible to communicate.
In addition
, interaction within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is a legacy that will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out and should
be passed
on in the future generation.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Communication is less between family members of late. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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