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Some people say now there there is less communication between the family members than in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is less communication between family members of late. v. 2
Interaction has been the prime factor of socialization fors. However, of late, it has been hugely influenced by technological advancement. So, compared with the past, social interaction is becoming increasingly fierce. Hence, the importance of bonds of kinship is gradually fading from people's minds. In my opinion, the world has become a global village yet in many sense it has grown apart. Apparently, the family ties are becoming weaker. There are several reasons behind this unfortunate development. The most important, of course, is the change in our lifestyle, values, and goals. Owing to huge education burden, itense competition, and 24/7 work commitments especially in developing countries has put a huge pressure on young generation leaving a little room for them to spend time with family members and enjoy on family occasions. Secondly, the blurring line between real and virtual life such as easy access to social media, internet browsing, various applications and games on mobile itself engage youth and capture major chunk of the day. As per a survey conducted by on internet and a meager of 5% of their time with family. Thirdly, people are or living standards. They leave their family behind. While it is possible to keep in touch through modern communication means, an email or phone calls is not equal to face-to-face interaction. Lastly, we are living in the age of individualism. Everyone needs their space. This has made us more self-entered than our parents or grandparents. We no longer believe in making adjustments or compromises. We want everything our way. This attitude creates stain in our relationships. To conclude, with the hustle and bustle of our lives and the maddening rush of proving oneself, most people have lost the daily connect with family members. But we must realize that our biggest strength is our family. Relationship are like potted plants. We need to nourish them. If we don't give them love and affection they need, they will wilt.
Interaction has been the prime factor of socialization
Possible spelling mistake found.
fors
.
However
, of late, it has been
hugely
influenced by technological advancement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, compared with the past, social interaction is becoming
increasingly
fierce.
Hence
, the importance of bonds of kinship is
gradually
fading from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's minds. In my opinion, the world has become a global village
yet
in
Possible agreement error. The noun sense seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much sense", "a good deal of sense".
many sense
it has grown apart.

Apparently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties are becoming weaker. There are several reasons behind this unfortunate development. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
of course
, is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our lifestyle, values, and goals. Owing to huge education burden,
Possible spelling mistake found.
itense
competition, and 24/7 work commitments
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
has put a huge pressure on young generation leaving a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
room for them to spend time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and enjoy on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
occasions.

Secondly
, the blurring line between real and virtual life such as easy access to social media, internet browsing, various applications and games on mobile itself engage youth and capture major chunk of the day. As per a survey conducted by on internet and
The phrase 'a meager of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a meager of
5% of their time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are or living standards. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
behind. While it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch through modern communication means, an email or phone calls is not equal to face-to-face interaction.
Lastly
, we are living in the age of individualism. Everyone needs their space. This has made us more self-entered than our parents or grandparents. We no longer believe in making adjustments or compromises. We want everything our way. This attitude creates stain in our relationships.

To conclude
, with the hustle and bustle of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the maddening rush of proving oneself, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have lost the daily connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
realize that our biggest strength is our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Relationship are like potted plants. We need to nourish them. If we don't give them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection they need, they will wilt.
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Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people say now there there is less communication between the family members than in the past.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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