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Communication is less between family members of late. Do you agree or disagree? To what extent do you agree? v.3

Communication is less between family members of late. v. 3
Over the past decades, the declined intimacy among members in a typical family has translated to an impediment on societal development. it is widely believed that such seismic shift in family communication was a corollary of the advancement of technology and economy. The aim of this essay is set to explore the reasons derived from these two spheres. To begin with, it is intuitively obvious that the economic growth is perceived as a hindrance of family communication, in particular to late family members. In fact, with the augmented workload accompanied with prosperity, parents who are also the major workforce of the society often have to dedicate more time to their rituals, resulting a shortfall of opportunity to stay with family members. For instance, recent empirical research from the Labour Committee ascertained that the average working hours have doubled over the previous decade. Seen in this light, the prosperity is likely to weaken the effort spent on maintaining the bonding among family members by lengthening the working hours. Meanwhile, another pivotal factor to remember is that junior members of a family are highly susceptible to the technological derivatives impeding communications. What this means is the cell phone connecting the Internet has a high tendency to stray our descendents from a valueable family dinner driving communication. Evidently, having interviewed by the Social Harmony Association, 70% children admitted that, rather than enjoying a fruitful communication with parents, they remain engrossed to the screen on having a family dinner. Consequently, distracting by these electronic devices, regular family communication is unlikely to be sustainable between parents and children, and late members eventually estrange themselves from family life. In conclusion, there is undeniable evidence that the economic development and burgeoning of smartphone are impeding the communication channels within an ordinary family, especially with the youth. Given such changes are irrevocable, it is predicted that this phenomenon of lessened communication in modern families will become a norm in foreseeable future.
Over the past decades, the declined intimacy among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in a typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has translated to an impediment on societal development.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
widely
believed that such seismic shift in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
was a corollary of the advancement of technology and economy. The aim of this essay
is set
to explore the reasons derived from these two spheres.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
intuitively
obvious that the economic growth
is perceived
as a hindrance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
,
in particular
to late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. In fact, with the augmented workload
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanied by".
accompanied with
prosperity, parents who are
also
the major workforce of the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
dedicate more time to their rituals, resulting a shortfall of opportunity to stay with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
For instance
, recent empirical research from the
Possible spelling mistake. 'Labour' is British English.
Labour
Committee ascertained that the average working hours have doubled over the previous decade.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Seen
in this light, the prosperity is likely to weaken the effort spent on maintaining the bonding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
by lengthening the working hours.

Meanwhile, another pivotal factor to remember is that junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are
highly
susceptible to the technological derivatives impeding communications. What this means is the cell phone connecting the Internet has a high tendency to stray our
Possible spelling mistake found.
descendents
from a
Possible spelling mistake found.
valueable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
dinner driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
Evidently
, having interviewed by the Social Harmony Association, 70% children admitted that,
rather
than enjoying a fruitful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
with parents, they remain engrossed to the screen on having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
dinner.
Consequently
, distracting by these electronic devices, regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is unlikely to be sustainable between parents and children, and late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
eventually
estrange themselves from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life.

In conclusion
, there is undeniable evidence that the economic development and burgeoning of smartphone are impeding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
channels within an ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
especially
with the youth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are irrevocable, it
is predicted
that this phenomenon of lessened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
will become a norm in foreseeable future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Communication is less between family members of late. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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