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There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children while some advertisers claim that they provid v.4

There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children while some advertisers claim that they provid v. 4
Most advertisements are targeting children nowadays and push them to purchase products that ranges from play toys to foods. Whilst parents feel this mentally affects the children, advertisers believe they pass beneficial knowledge to the children through their advertisements. It is agreed that a large number of ads cause a detrimental impact on children as well as parents in terms of health and finance respectively. In this essay, I will discuss both the points of view before coming to a reasoned conclusion. On the one hand, by watching the increased number of ads, children become too adamant to buy the advertised products. This is because the ads are telecast in a way that stimulate the children’s mind to buy that immediately. These overly advertised products throw harmful effects on children’s health as well as parent’s financial circumstance. For instance, Lays, a popular chips product is advertised colorfully and overly priced to attract youngsters to eat, but the Federal Drug Administration of the US does not recommend this food item and it claims these food products have greater chances to cause cancer. On the other hand, the ad companies claim it provides benefits through their advertisement and respective products. Moreover, they argue that their innovative play toys not only boost children’s creativity, but also promotes young minds to actively involve in mathematical skills. A good illustration is that Lego which is a toy manufacturing company produces colorful building sets and bricks which make younger people to build architectures of their own tastes, thus it motivates them to bring out the talents. Although, some ads are very beneficial, most ads are misleading, and, therefore, this essay disagrees that ads provide useful information for children. In conclusion, with the benefits of ads in some circumstances, in most places, it provides mental stress to children and their wards. Hence, I am convinced that ads mislead people, especially children and the government should regulate the ads before it is directed to the young children who do not have the requisite knowledge to think and analyze which is good and which is bad.
Most advertisements are targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays and push them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that ranges from play toys to foods. Whilst parents feel this mentally affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, advertisers believe they pass beneficial knowledge to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
through their advertisements. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
ads cause a detrimental impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
as parents in terms of health and finance
respectively
. In this essay, I will discuss both the points of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand, by watching the increased number of ads,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become too adamant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the advertised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the ads are telecast in a way that stimulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mind to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that immediately. These
overly
advertised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
throw harmful effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health
as well
as parent’s financial circumstance.
For instance
, Lays, a popular chips
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is advertised
colorfully
and
overly
priced to attract youngsters to eat,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the Federal Drug Administration of the US does not recommend this food item and it claims these food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have greater chances to cause cancer.

On the other hand
, the ad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
claim it provides benefits through their advertisement and respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Moreover
, they argue that their innovative play toys not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
creativity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
promotes young minds to
actively
involve in mathematical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration is that Lego which is a toy manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
produces colorful building sets and bricks which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to build architectures of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tastes,
thus
it motivates them to bring out the talents. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ads are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial, most ads are misleading, and,
therefore
, this essay disagrees that ads provide useful information for children.

In conclusion
, with the benefits of ads in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, in most places, it provides mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their wards.
Hence
, I
am convinced
that ads mislead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should regulate the ads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
is directed
to the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who do not have the requisite knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and analyze which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children which encourages them to buy goods such as toys and snacks Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children while some advertisers claim that they provid v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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